Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week twenty-four of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
How do I tell Christians who are in my life that I'm a false convert? (P.S. please pray for me)
I’m not sure exactly what you mean by that. Are you pretending to be a Christian around other Christians? The fact that you follow Daughter of Delight and you are asking this question makes me think that maybe you are searching. Jeremiah 29: 13 says, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Maybe the Holy Spirit is pursuing you right now. Choose one Christian friend to confide in and ask her to pray with you and for you for your salvation. I think it’s better that you know that you aren’t a Christian so that you continue to seek. I thought I was a Christian for years before the Holy Spirit revealed the truth to my heart. My pastor asked me, “If you died tonight, would you go to heaven?” I said, “I think so.” He asked, “Why?” I said, “Because I’m a good person and I try to do what’s right.” He went on to explain that no one is good enough to go to heaven because we all sin all the time. And sin requires judgment/hell/eternal death. It is only because Jesus Christ took our punishment/judgment for us by taking a human body so he could die on the cross and then rose from the dead, that we too can have eternal life in heaven. God can forgive my sin because of Jesus’ sacrifice. There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation. There is nothing you can do but humbly admit that you are a sinner in need of a Savior and ask God for the Holy Spirit to open your eyes to His saving grace and mercy. We will pray that you will know the truth and will no longer have to pretend.
How do I surrender my worries & insecurities to God? I know that He has greater plans for me, but I still seem to be holding onto my worries.If we love, we worry. But God has called us to lay our worries at His feet. I used to think that meant that He would fix everything if I just prayed about it. But that isn’t what Scripture says. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with THANKSGIVING let your requests be made known to God. And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” In other words: remember how blessed you are and remember what Christ did for you so that you take your focus off your worldly circumstances and put it on Jesus. Only by doing that, can we truly have peace and joy in ALL circumstances. Only by remembering that this world is temporary and our souls are eternal can we stop worrying so much. We can’t stop completely because we’re human. But if we take this perspective it makes it a lot easier to trust that even if it doesn’t turn out the way we hoped, it’s going to be okay. And worrying won’t change a thing.
I recently found out a little boy in church passed away from brain cancer, his family prayed & prayed & had masses dedicated to this little boy, but sadly he passed anyway. I know God is good, but I do struggle with my faith when things like this happen. My question is, if God gives us grace & faith, why doesn't He also fix us & give us healing too?
It’s not fair. But if all things were fair, then Christ would not have paid for our sins, and we would not have eternal life. Sometimes God works miracles through prayer when it glorifies Him or needs to happen as part of His bigger plan to restore Heaven on Earth. But the model that he gave us for prayer is The Lord’s Prayer. It has praise, thanksgiving, confession and asks for protection from temptation and that God’s will be done. His pleasing and perfect WILL--that we can’t even wrap our pitiful human brains around. So prayer is not for us to beg God to fix things. He’s not Santa Claus either. We aren’t supposed to give him a list of our desires. Those desires are worldly. We can lay our concerns and worries at His feet and He will give us peace. He never promised to give us whatever we ask for. (Phil. 4:6-7) There is suffering and death and destruction in this world because of sin--not because of God’s will. God is love and He never causes our pain. But He allows suffering to grow us in our love for Him, or to bring about something that we may never see or understand. All this to say, we can’t let the sorrow and circumstances of this sinful world shake our faith. This world is not our home. Fix your eyes on Jesus, who for the joy of your salvation, took on a human body so that he could die in your place and rise again, defeating death, so we can have eternal life. Remember Peter stepped out onto the crashing waves and as long as he looked at Jesus he didn’t sink, but when he thought about the scary waves and looked around him at his circumstances, he started sinking. (Matt. 14: 25-33) Trust in His will not in your circumstances and what is seen.
I love God with all my heart, but I have mental health issues & it’s hard to focus on both, college & God. I don’t get support from anyone. My family tries their hardest to help but I still feel alone. I know God has a plan & purpose for me, but it’s hard because I don’t want be led astray. I also feel like I have this dark passion within myself & I feel like with my mental health it’s trying to overtake my body. I’m trying to start boxing, but it’s making me isolate myself to the point where I don’t go out much. It’s hard because college wants to expel me for my attendance. They just aren’t supporting or understanding. I am a worship singer at my church & am really blessed, but on the sideline I’m really broken & no one knows that. I’m really just keeping it all bottled inside
My sweet sister, I’m so sorry for your struggles. Our brains are so amazing when they work properly but when they don’t it is a heavy burden. I hope that you are getting counseling. It’s so important for your mental health to talk it through with someone. And if you’re taking medication, it’s even more important to have the right type and dosage which can fluctuate with your hormones as you mature--so you need a health professional that can help keep that regulated. If you aren’t taking any medications, I highly recommend natural anxiety reducing supplements like passion flower and full spectrum CBD oil. I have seen these things work wonders for people. And you’ve got to find a way to get to class. Don’t get expelled on top of all your other problems. The worst part of isolating yourself is that it cuts you off from support and that’s exactly what you need, so it can be a vicious cycle. Take baby steps. Share your problems with one Christian friend/mentor--if you don’t have one, reach out by email to your pastor or women’s ministry leader and ask for a recommendation of someone that could mentor you. Try to start attending a Bible study group. See if there is a campus ministry you can join. (RUF is a great one!) Memorize Scripture to quote when you feel that darkness starting to overwhelm you. Listen to Christian radio and sing those songs to lift your spirit. It sounds superficial but it really helps. The main thing though is focusing on Jesus and what He did for you. He loved you so much that He took on a human body so He could suffer and die on a cross. Then he defeated death and rose again, so that if you believe and repent of your sin, you can be forgiven and can have eternal life. This world is not our home. It is sinful and dark and when we look around us, it is easy to despair. That’s why we can’t focus on our own circumstances. Outwardly we are wasting away, but inwardly we are being renewed day by day. (2 Cor. 4:16) His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:19-24 NIV) Our perspective is everything! If we can’t look past our circumstances, we can’t have peace or joy. So, keep your eyes fixed on the One who loves you and let that bring you a peace that surpasses all understanding. (Phil. 4:7)
I’m really close friends with this guy I’ve known for seven years & I’ve sort of fallen for him. The only problem is, he isn’t a Christian & my faith means everything to me.
If in seven years time you haven’t seen him show any interest in a relationship with God, he is not the one for you. God doesn’t want us to “yoke” ourselves to non-believers. (2 Cor. 6:14) Only the Holy Spirit can change hearts, so don’t kid yourself that you will convince him to become a Christian someday. Maybe your influence as his friend will encourage him to seek God, but if you are strong in your faith, you need to be in relationship with and marry someone who is too. Marriage is hard work even for those who believe, but it’s exponentially more difficult for non-believers. You will be so blessed by a relationship with a believer who puts God first and you second, that you will be wondering why you ever thought this non-believer was a good match for you.