EP 25: The Pointless Pursuit of Perfectionism

God calls us to perfection, not perfectionism. If you consider yourself a recovering perfectionist, hit that play button and let's talk about the key difference between the two. Hint: The perfection we are called to as children of God has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with Him.

Welcome

Welcome to episode 25 of the Daughter of Delight podcast! Whether you have been tuning in for a while or if you are a new listener, I am so glad and so grateful you are here. Serving you through this podcast brings me great joy and it is my prayer that God would use it to meet you and bless you right where you’re at. Today, we are going to talk about something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. That is, the pointless pursuit of perfectionism. Unfortunately, perfectionism pairs quite well with my type-A personality. And, as someone who used to believe God’s acceptance of me was based purely on achievement, well, perfectionism was my best friend. But by best friend, I really mean my worst enemy.

The Vicious Cycle of Perfectionism

Living in this vicious cycle...this destructive mindset...is something I am truly so grateful the Lord rescued me from. That’s not to say I have conquered perfectionism completely because I still do go to battle with its temptation at times. But it is to say I have tasted and received the freedom that is mine in Christ; the freedom that perfection does not and will never offer, and the freedom that gives me the opportunity to fight from a place of victory. I’m really excited to share my story and what I have learned about the fight against perfectionism with you today. But before I do, I want to take this opportunity to encourage you to share your story, too. It can be hard to expose yourself before someone else, but I truly believe our stories are what connect each other and the things we struggle with--like perfectionism per say--are more relatable than we know.

Review of the Week

Before we get started with everything, let’s take a look at the review of the week! It comes from Avery and she says, “This podcast is the most encouraging women’s podcast out there. Elle is covering real-life topics in a real way and she always brings it back to God. 10/10 recommend this podcast for all women!” Now, that’s a whole lot of sweetness. Thank you, Avery! I am 10/10 so grateful for your kindness and feel so loved and supported by you. Thank you so much! I know I am not shy when it comes to asking for reviews, but I hope you can hear my gratitude in my words as I reflect on each review of the week alongside you. These reviews not only help others to find the show, but they also encourage me and fuel me to keep showing up for you. Honestly, before I started a podcast and educated myself on how the podcast world works, I had no idea reviews were so important. But once I learned, you better believe I went and reviewed my favorite podcasts. Reviews are a super easy way to support the content creators you love and enjoy, so please don’t just leave a review for me but also the other podcasts that bless you! Alright, are you ready to talk about the pointless pursuit of perfectionism? Let’s do it, then, Sis! 

The Pointless Pursuit of Perfectionism

Here’s how the rest of this episode is going to work. First of all, I am going to talk about my personal struggle with it, then I will share an example of it that we see in the scripture. Next, we will address Matthew 5:48, which says, ‘Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect,” and talk about what it really means. Finally, we will wrap things up with a whole lot of encouragement. Here we go! 

Perfectionism in the Church

The earliest memory I have of perfectionism takes me back to the age of 8 or 9. At the time, my family was part of a church family that, as I look back, really cared about a certain image. And if you didn’t have it, you were frowned upon. As a child, I remember begging my parents not to go because I felt so out of place there. Honestly, this is where my first bout of church hurt took place, too. I remember it like yesterday. I wore my favorite dress two weeks in a row and one of the girls in my Sunday school class looked at me and said, “You wore that dress last week. Why are you wearing it again?”

Sunday Best

It was like because I had worn the same thing twice in a row I was immediately unfriended and perceived as someone who couldn’t afford to wear new dresses every week. I was so embarrassed, cried it out in the car on the way home and decided from that point on I wouldn’t repeat outfits like that ever again. Because if I was going to grow up at this church, I needed to fit the image. My parents needed to make X amount of money, they needed to drive a certain kind of car, my twin brother and I needed to excel in every way possible, and we all needed to wear our very Sunday best.My experience during these years pretty much sums up the whole, “How are you doing? Great! How are you?” problem we hear so often about in the church. Noone could hurt publicly. Noone could not be okay. We all had to smile. If you can relate to this in any way, I am so sorry. It’s incredibly important for us to not ignore the fact that even the church is made of broken people. If you would like to hear my thoughts on church hurt, check out episode 10 of the podcast.

Perfectionism in School

The next memory I have of struggling with perfectionism comes from my academics. My parents held my brother and I to really high standards when it came to grades. As long as we did what we were asked in school, there was no reason we should make anything below a B, ever. But they really wanted those As. Now, I certainly don’t blame them for becoming as obsessed with school as I was...because I genuinely loved school and I genuinely wanted to make good grades. But because I knew the bar was high, I really didn’t want to let them down. So, I lived in my textbooks. And I made good grades. But I hated the pressure that weighed on my shoulders when it came to anything school-related. My identity was so caught up and based on my successes that I viewed my relationship with the Lord in the same light. As long as I did good things, made good grades and prayed every day, God would accept me. And you know what? He did accept me, but it wasn’t due to anything I did or will ever do. My lack of coming to terms with this truth is the very thing that stood in the way of my relationship with the Lord. Because the relationship I had concocted wasn’t the same relationship the Lord was inviting me into. 

Perfectionism in Friendship

The final example I want to share of perfectionism is a more recent one. It’s the pressure that comes from others expecting me to be the perfect counselor and friend; to be someone who has it all together. Unfortunately, I have been personally affected by this in many ways. I may have my degree in theology and work in ministry, but this in no way equates me to being a perfect friend. This is not a pedestal I want to be on. When this happens, the permission for me to be open and honest about my own struggles is taken away and I really have to fight against that and remind people that I am a struggling human, just like them. Or, because people assume I have it together more than they do, they refuse to tell me things because they know I will call them out for making decisions that are rooted in unrepentant sin. But edification is one of the most beautiful things about friendship, which is why it is so important to make sure your friendships are truly two-sided. When it’s one-sided and you are always the listening ear and the one giving advice, the friendship is not genuine or fruitful. I have found myself in this situation too many times to count, so trust me on this one, Sis. And hear me when I say there is no such thing as a perfect friend. Invest in the people who invest in you, just as you are.  

Consider Mary

Now that I have given you some personal examples of my struggles with perfectionism, let’s consider someone from scripture who struggled with it as well. If you are wondering whether or not I am referring to Martha, why yes. Yes, I am. In Luke 10:38-42, we read of Mary and Martha’s encounter with Jesus. We learn that Martha was “worried and upset about many things” while preparing to host Jesus in her home.  As she prepared dinner and set the table, she wanted everything to be just right. The problem in this is that Mary was setting a higher standard for herself than Jesus was setting for her. (MESS UP) “Only one thing is needed,” Jesus told her in Luke 10:42. Then He pointed her to Mary’s example of peace and rest. Oof. What a solid conviction Christ served Mary. And it wasn’t to shame her, but to FREE her from the chains of perfection. The same is true for us. 

Matthew 5:48

If we read the words of Matthew 5:48 at surface level, however, it certainly does not seem that way. Here, Jesus says, “You must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”Here’s a fun fact for ya: the Greek word for perfect here is telios and it does not equate to what we normally understand perfect as. In this specific case, it means mature or complete.

Jesus Does Not Demand Sinless Perfectionism

Now that we know this, we see that Jesus is not demanding sinless perfectionism here. Read within context, we can see that this is Christ’s way of calling us to love others completely or maturely like God loves His own. By no means can we do this in the sinless ways only He can, but by all means are we to try and love like our Father by loving those who both love and persecute us, without restraint.If you have ever read this verse or heard this verse used out of context, I pray this truth would free you from any false misunderstandings. 

Imputed Perfection

Even if Matthew 5:48 was a call to perfectionism, Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:17 that he came to perfectly fulfill, on our behalf, God’s demand on us for perfection. This is called imputed perfection, which is perfection achieved on our behalf by Christ and Christ alone. This means there is nothing WE can do to earn it outside of being in Christ; of being a child of the Most High King. Sis, in God’s eyes, we have been perfected through the act of being joined to Jesus by faith. This truth frees us from the false belief that we are to earn His or anyone else’s approval through the unattainable reality of perfectionism. Because of Christ, we are free to live imperfectly in our sanctifying fight against sin! Let me say that again! 

Free to Live Imperfectly

Because of Christ, we are free to live imperfectly in our sanctifying fight against sin!

• Hebrews 10:14 tells us, “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.” 
• And  2 Corinthians 5:21 says, “God made him who was without sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God.”

God already sees you as perfect, right now, while you are still sinning, because he sees Jesus as perfect. This is imputed perfection: perfection achieved on our behalf by Christ and Christ alone.

God Doesn't Look For Perfectionism 

And here’s another truth bomb for ya: God doesn’t look for perfectionism in our battle with sin. He looks for our faith! Let that one sink in real deep! God knows the only thing perfect about us outside of Christ is that we are perfect sinners. Sis, accepting the reality of our failure before Him is something that is key to helping us escape the vicious trap of perfection. God knows there is no such thing as a perfect Christian. But in Him, our past, present and future struggles are all covered. This is the good news of the glorious gospel of Christ, my friend! Thanks be to God. Immerse yourself in the truth of His perfection through His Word and prayer and be healed of your perfectionism! 

Future Perfection

Finally, let us also not forget the future perfection we have to look forward to in the age to come. John gives us a glimpse of it in Revelation 21:3-4, where he says, “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’”When I read this, my heart cannot help but cry out, “Come, King Jesus, come!”

All Will Be Made Right

I long for the day tears are no more, death is no more, pain is no more, sickness is no more, and all is made right!While we await His return, my prayer for us all is that we would bask in the glory of God’s love for His own; that we would accept who we are in Him instead of believing the lie that the pointless pursuit of perfection is what leads to acceptance. We will mess up along the way, that’s just the fact of the matter. But you know what? His grace will always be enough to carry us through. You are and will always be worthy because of Christ and Christ alone.  Soli deo gloria. 

Thank You

Thank you so much for tuning in to this week’s episode! I pray the Lord used it to bless and beckon you, just as you are,  into His loving arms. If you did enjoy this episode, would you do me a favor and share it with someone in your life who could use an encouraging reminder to pursue Christ over perfectionism? Or, take a screenshot of this episode, add it to your IG story, and tag @daughterofdelight so I can give you a proper thank you! 

Up Next

Next week, I have a special opportunity to tell you about Christian Healthcare Ministries, a Christain, cost-sharing alternative to health care that is not only budget-friendly but also Gospel-centered. It has been life-changing for my family and I’m thrilled to share all about it with you! Talk with you next Wednesday!

More

Did you enjoy this week's episode on how to put God first? Check out last week's episode, Putting God First, here!Want more encouragement? Check out this Daily Delight and/or sign up for our weekly newsletter here!