Daily Delight

As I fight my own battle with cancer, I've come across many others affected by this illness. Many are losing and have lost that battle. It's hard to watch the destruction that cancer leaves in its wake. Cancer makes me angry, sad, confused, and worst of all...it makes me feel powerless. There is nothing that I can do physically. I'm not a physician, so I can't treat it or find a cure. I can't take the pain away. I can't prevent the horrid side effects treatment brings. I so badly want to fix it all, find a way to stop cancer in its tracks so that no one else has to fall victim to this illness.

So I do what I can. I pray. I ask God to heal those that have been diagnosed. When I come across patients or friends, I do my best to be light in the midst of this battle. I listen to their fears and try to provide encouraging words and hope. I leave these encounters, hoping that I am doing enough and always asking if I can do more.

When someone I know loses their battle with cancer, it breaks me. I wonder if I didn't pray enough. I wonder why this disease exists and why hasn't God stopped it yet. I have so many questions and I wrestle so much in prayer, trying to find the good in this illness. The truth is, oftentimes it is really hard to see the good and I feel afraid telling God that I am struggling.

The beautiful thing about all of this is that God welcomes the questions and our feelings. He wants us to ask them. He wants us to express all of our feelings no matter happy or sad, with Him. There are so many examples in the Bible of various people questioning or expressing anger/ sadness to God: Job, Moses, Samuel, David, Elijah, Jeremiah...even Jesus. 

He wants our honesty; He can handle it. 

As I struggle with understanding it all and trying to figure out the good in all of this, Jesus gives me this verse: "Jesus replied, You don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will" (John 13:7, NLT). 

I look forward to someday. 

{photo: @victorialemosphotography}

About the Author

Alexis Newlin

Alexis is a 34-year-old lover of Jesus, loose leaf tea, rollercoasters, and adventures. Originally from Marietta GA, Alexis now resides in Fresno, CA where she works as a recreation therapist at Valley Children's. Alexis enjoys teaching and encouraging kids that they can do and be anything they want, despite their disability.

When not at work, you can find Alexis outdoors enjoying a walk in her neighborhood, scoping out the newest food truck, hanging out with friends or planning her next trip. Her church, The Revival Center, and family mean the world to her. They have supported her through the loss of her mother and a cancer diagnosis. 

Through her trials and triumphs, God has pushed her to share her faith and encourage others through her writing. Writing is something she is passionate about and it is a joy for her to share her walk with God and encourage others.