Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week eleven of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
How do you know if your relationship is God's will- even if the person is a believer?
God’s will is for you to glorify Him in all you do. If your relationship is Christ-centered then it is inside His will. That doesn’t necessarily mean that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. God gives us lots of good choices. You don’t have to settle for less because the person is a believer and that can be a rare find these days. If you are doubting, that’s not a good sign. God wants the best for you. He wants you to marry a believer, yes, but He also wants you to have love and chemistry with that person. Ask yourself if you can imagine a future without this man. Is he the first person you want to tell things to and the last voice you want to hear before you go to sleep? Could you, in spite of his flaws, look forward to waking up next to him for the rest of your life? Because if you’re just lukewarm about this relationship, it’s not enough to get through life--hard times, good times, boring, everyday, paying the bills times. Can it turn into that? Sure. Can it stay lukewarm? Sometimes. God’s will has to do with your heart being fixed on Him first. It’s not about lightning striking because you step off some imagined path He’s laid out for you. You are always inside God’s will for you if you’re putting your relationship with Him first. If you are, you don’t have to worry if your relationship or your job or anything is God’s will, because you can be sure that it is.
For a born again believer who has lived long in known sin but started seeking freedom from it, is God still near? He is holy and can't stand to look upon sin. How do I still draw near to Him when i feel like I've had my 100 chances and obviously am not keeping Him first above all else?
God is far away from you if you are living in unrepentant sin. But once you repent, then He removes that sin from remembrance as far as the east is from the west. You aren’t limited to a certain number of chances. God knows your heart. Real repentance where you’ve turned from the sin and turned to God and his will--which is to glorify Him in all you do--is all that is required for complete forgiveness. Jesus died a horrible death so we could have that forgiveness. When we feel like God is far away, it’s because we moved, not Him.
What Scriptures give women authority to teach men? There are many amazing encouraging Christian women teachers that I find preach on Sunday which have men present & have titles of “Pastor”. In my studies, I find scriptures stating that this is a male role & that a woman is forbidden to teach or lead a man. Can you share some biblical wisdom/truth?
There are a lot of amazing Christian women teaching that seem to have a real anointing from the Holy Spirit. I’m not sure there are verses that give women authority to teach men, but it is a topic for debate. We actually explored this question in week three of Daughter Dilemmas. I have shared it below:This is a very controversial topic. Many churches do have female preachers. The ones that don’t aren’t anti-woman. It’s not that they don’t think women are just as smart and capable as men. It is because they believe that Scripture is clear that men are to be in leadership. (A few for example: 1 Cor. 11:3, 1 Peter 3:7, Eph. 5:21-33, Titus 1: 5-9) The verse that I’ve studied the most on this topic is Genesis 2:18. The word “helper” doesn’t mean assistant or lower ranking position. It means complementary. Someone to come alongside and fill in the gaps. Someone able to do some things better than him, like nurture. In general, men and women are given different gifts. And men are given the leadership roles because one of their gifts is strength, so that they can be a protector and provider. James 3:1 says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.” When you look at it like that, you can see that perhaps they are protecting us by being the leaders and teachers in the church. Also, men in leadership are to be an example of Christ and our loving Father in heaven. Some people don’t have fathers in their lives to live out that example. That being said, the LORD clearly uses women throughout Scripture. And the culture of the time, did keep women in a lower status than men. There may come a time when those rules are re-evaluated. In the meantime, if you are feeling called to glorify God by preaching and your church doesn’t allow women to preach in the pulpit or teach men, there are lots of women and children out there searching for truth. Maybe you can direct your calling to them.
I am past my mid twenties and have never had a serious relationship. I know I need to heal, but what can I do to prepare for marriage in the season of waiting?
There is nothing wrong with not having a serious relationship. Especially if you’re trying to recover from a painful situation in your past. God only wants you to have a serious relationship with the one you marry anyway. But His main concern is that you have a serious relationship with Him. Through prayer and Bible study, put your focus on the One who loves you best. Put Him first in your heart and allow yourself to let go of your pain with the knowledge that He’s holding you in His mighty hand and sheltering you with His mighty wings. Glorify Him in all you do and your life will be filled with His grace and mercy. Pray for Him to raise up a Godly man who can love you the way He longs for you to be loved. Don’t let yourself focus on the waiting. Our timing is not God’s timing. It will happen when the time is right. As you wait, you can’t understand it. But you will look back and know that you had to go through what you went through or the man you love had to go through what he went through in order for you to come together at the right time for each other.