Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week fourteen of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
I am an adult & I am addicted to cutting myself. I want to stop. How can i come further from temptation and closer to God?
There is a deep-seated need for you to have that release because of something that you are not dealing with. A loss of control? Grief? Feelings of inadequacy? Whatever it is, until you define it and deal with it, you will have a hard time letting go of this behavior. I beg you to seek counseling. Self harm is similar to an eating disorder. There is no shame in getting help. I applaud your courage in asking the question here. And I beg you, also, to find a dear friend that you can share this compulsion with and ask them to be there to call and hold you accountable when you’re feeling the need to do it. God wants you to glorify Him in all you do. Harming yourself is the opposite of that. He gave you that glorious, amazing body that bears his image through His Holy Spirit within you. Seek help and seek to grow in your relationship with God. The closer you are to Him, the easier it is to find peace from your anxieties.
When you have a nudge to take a major step of faith that you believe is from the Lord, how do you pursue that when others might be against it or discourage you?
The Lord wants you to glorify Him in all you do. That is His will for you. If you feel led to take a major step of faith that will glorify Him, then I hope you will not ignore that leading. But, that being said, the people in your life that may be discouraging you are probably just worried about you. They’ve got their eyes on the world, they’re forgetting that God provides. And He does provide, but sometimes He provides by giving you practical ways to prepare for this leap of faith that might help those who are worried be more supportive. For example, going on an expensive missionary trip. He provides by you using your vacation days you’ve saved from work, and asking for donations, and doing fundraisers. The money and time doesn’t fall in your lap. And sometimes it doesn’t come at all, and you have to wait until the next trip. It doesn’t mean you misheard the nudge, it just means your timing is off. God’s timing is perfect, but it sure can be frustrating. I wish you all the best in your leap of faith and I pray your heart would not be discouraged by those who are acting in fear and not faith.
My best friend was killed last March in the hallway of our high school. I'm really struggling to do things I used to be able to. I have been diagnosed with PTSD & severe anxiety & I'm only 18. I'm struggling to find peace & healing & I feel weak going to counseling. I don’t know how to deal with all of this & I feel like God is being silent when I need him most.
I am so sorry for your devastating loss. If you knew someone that lost a leg in a car accident, do you think they would be “weak” for getting a prosthetic leg to help them walk again? Of course not! Then why do you feel weak asking for help from a counselor? You lost your best friend--a piece of your heart. You also suffered a tremendous trauma. There is only one way to get through it and that is counseling and prayer. For me, when something bad happens, I get so angry with God that I can’t pray. It’s okay to get mad at God. He can take it. But our anger screws up our perspective. God has His reasons and His timing and none of it can and ever will make sense to our human brains. There’s no point in trying to make sense of it. When we feel God isn’t near us, it’s because we moved away, not Him. He’s there. Find your peace by listing your blessings, asking forgiveness for your sins, and then asking for peace. The peace comes from knowing you’re forgiven because of the precious blood of Christ, and knowing that you’re blessed because you’re one of God’s chosen, not from accepting or understanding your loss. Only time and counseling can help you accept it and move past it. You will never understand such a random, horrific act of violence. But know that it happened because of the father of lies and not because of your Heavenly Father. He allows it because we have free will, but he doesn’t cause our pain. And somewhere down the road you may look back and say, “Oh, now I see why I had to go through that.” But you may not. Because it may not have been about you. Please, get help. Don’t let this eat you up inside and cause other problems that you’ll have to deal with for the rest of your life. Isn’t it bad enough that you will have to miss your friend? Life is precious. Do all that you can to glorify God by living your best life.
Should Christians use dating sites? How do you know when it’s time to start getting out there? I want a husband, but feel like I am unapproachable in real life, so no guy will take interest. How do I fix it?
Christians use dating sites all the time. It’s hard to meet people! If you are longing for a relationship, then it’s probably time. A dating site may be a way to allow you to be more approachable. I’m not sure why you feel unapproachable, but certainly the anonymity on a dating site helps. We answered a question about dating apps here. I’m not sure what to tell you about “fixing” it. But I do know that it is a hard place to be. Pray that God will raise up a Godly man for you. (And He certainly can do that through a dating site.) Someone who sees past whatever it is that makes you feel unapproachable. Someone you can really connect with. Then, try to tuck that longing away, secure in the knowledge that God will answer your prayer, and fix your eyes on your relationship with God. Grow in that relationship. It’s the one that matters the most and the one that gives us joy in all circumstances and the one that puts all things into perspective.