Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week nineteen of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
I have recently been through a confusing time with losing weight & also losing myself at the same time. God called me to let go of the diet but now I am putting weight back on. How can I get healthy & confident in a Godly manner? I am struggling with putting weight back on & I'm losing my self-confidence!
I‘m so sorry. Losing weight and keeping it off is so hard. I don’t know what kind of diet you were on, but the best ones require commitment to whole new way of looking at food and eating. Portion control, not eating just because you’re bored or upset, giving up processed food, soda, all “diet” food and drinks with artificial sweeteners, and fried fast food for good is the best way to get healthy and stay healthy. Did you know that processed foods have chemicals in them that can affect your mental health negatively? A gluten heavy diet can too. Throw away your scale. It’s not about what you weigh, it’s about being healthy and feeling good. God wants you to glorify Him in all that you do. That applies to the way you eat. Starving yourself on a diet, binging on ice cream or other bad habits aren’t glorifying. It takes at least 60 days to develop a habit. Take the time to develop healthy ones. As far as your self-confidence, when you are healthy it’s easier to feel confident. But your identity should be founded in your relationship with Christ, not your dress size. God loves you. He couldn’t care less what you look like on the outside. He is only concerned with your heart. And if you put your focus on how precious you are to Him--so precious that He sent Jesus to take the punishment for your sin, so you can go to heaven--instead of any vanity in this temporary world. Then, you will shine like a star with the presence of the Holy Spirit in you. And that is all anyone will see. Shine that light!
How do I forgive others & show them grace when time & time again they have lied to me & betrayed my trust?
The only way to forgive others is to remember that we are forgiven. We don’t deserve to be forgiven either. But God showed His love for us by sending a Savior to take the punishment for us, so that he could forgive us. And He calls us to forgive others as we have been forgiven. It’s easier said than done because we don’t forget. It’s the forgetting part that’s impossible. Our human nature makes us hold a grudge. We can’t truly forgive if we can’t let go of that grudge. Trust is another issue. A person that repeatedly lies to you, especially if it’s without remorse, isn’t acting in a Christian manner and isn’t worthy of your trust. Sounds like a toxic relationship that you need to let go of. Maybe the consequences of losing your friendship will help this person be truly remorseful and give up their horrible treatment of you for good. If not, good riddance.
How can I come to terms with the fact that we may never be parents (due to medical reasons)?
I’m so sorry. That’s hard news to hear. I hope that if being parents is important to you that your medical condition won’t keep you from becoming parents in a different way like fostering or adoption. But if it does and your heart aches to be a parent, you can be a mentor. You can read to children, babysit children, and find other ways to have children in your life. I have a friend in a wheelchair that runs a daycare center in her home. Lots of children have no parents or neglectful parents and they need love. Not having a biological child is disappointing, but giving your love to any child that needs love will be a great blessing to both of you. Pray that God will raise up a way for you and your husband to be parents in unconventional ways. Let go of your preconceived ideas that it can only be one way. God may have other plans for your big heart.
The guy I’m very interested in is a believer but not a very strong one. I want to be with him very much but I feel like it may be a situation where He would draw me farther from God. What should I do?
“Not a very strong believer” means what? That he understands the Gospel, but hasn’t had the Holy Spirit change his heart? If you are a believer it doesn’t mean that you just believe in God or believe that Jesus died for your sins. It means that you understand that you are a sinner, unworthy of heaven, unworthy of salvation, but because of God’s great love for you, He sent His Son to take a pitiful human body so that he could physically die and pay the price for your sin. And you can say those words to anyone, but unless the Holy Spirit has given him ears to hear it, he can’t truly understand the implications. That being said, if you are a believer, then your goal in life is to glorify God in all that you do. And you know when what you’re doing is not glorifying. If you’re already having doubts that you can stay on a path of behavior that glorifies God because of this boyfriend, then I suspect this guy is not the one for you. But if you mean by “not a very strong believer” that he is new to the faith, then grow in Christ together through Bible study and church and participating in activities that are glorifying to God. Maybe God raised you up to help this boyfriend stay on the right path and grow some roots in his immature faith.
How do I recognize talents & gifts in my life without sounding arrogant? I struggle with accepting compliments from others because I try not to make a big deal of some of my talents.
You can recognize your talents and gifts without sounding arrogant by acknowledging that they are given by God and not from your own striving. A simple thank you when someone compliments you is sufficient. No need to pat yourself on the back for your hard work. You have worked hard to develop your God-given gifts, and everyone likes to be recognized, but if you struggle with pride, take time to remember that all that we have and all that we are is from God. He calls us to use our gifts for His glory. If you are doing that, you can lay all your insecurity at His feet. If you are doing it for your own glory, it’s time to take a step back and examine how you can change that.