Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week four of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace. To submit a question anonymously, click here.
I have feelings for someone who there is most likely no chance of me ever being with, and it has caused me to spiral into depression. How can I overcome my sadness and move on when it hurts so much?
I’m so sorry. It’s a painful place to be. I think the best way to overcome sadness from unrequited love is to remember that you deserve to be loved better than that person could ever love you. You’re probably thinking, “I don’t care. I’ll love him enough for both of us.” Or, “But I know if he just gave me a chance, he’d love me too.” That’s a lie that you are telling yourself. Clinging to that lie is breaking your heart. You’ve got to let go of it. Love makes us lose perspective. Sometimes we imagine how wonderful a relationship with someone would be and get our hearts set on it--but that’s not reality. This person will never love you as fully and completely as you have imagined. And you would eventually resent him for not showing you real love if you ever were in a relationship with him. In other words, he is not the right person for you. You have put that expectation on him, but a relationship with him would not be healthy. And it’s okay to grieve over that for a time. But never let it steal your joy. The joy in the knowledge that you are loved by God so much that he sent his son in a human body so that he could die for your sins. You are forgiven. You are loved. And you get to go to heaven. Pray that God will raise up someone that will love you like you deserve to be loved. The kind of man that can’t wait to see you, would rather be with you than anyone else, wants to share all his joys and disappointments with you and can’t imagine life without you once he finds you. That’s the real love that you truly desire.
Can you explain the differences between the different translations of the Bible? Any tips on which one I should use?
Originally, the Old Testament was in Hebrew and the New Testament was in Greek. I think any translation that makes sense to you is fine, as long as when you study the Bible you look up the actual Greek and Hebrew word meanings to get a more complete understanding. Some translations try to keep it word-for-word and even keep similar grammar and syntax. (KJV, NKJV, ESV, NASB) Others try to give you the thought process of the writer, putting the words into modern phrases. (NLT, The Message, The Living Bible) I prefer the NIV because it’s very middle of the road and I feel it gives the best of both. My church uses ESV, and when I do Bible study, I like to compare the two. I also have a parallel Bible with NASB and the Amplified Bible translations. Both of those lean more toward the word-for-word translation. I’m a word nerd, so I love to learn about the root Hebrew and Greek words. But I’m also a writer and love the flow of words and phrases in a translation like The Message. (I have one of those too.) It’s a personal choice. I hope this helps you find the right translation for you.
How can you still be a Godly woman in college/teen years when surrounded by drinking, partying & the whole hook-up culture?
We are called to be in this world but not of it. That means we have to be careful not to indulge in those kinds of worldly activities. Those things are often done by people searching to fill a hole in their hearts. A hole that can only be filled with God. Worldly things are tempting. We want to enjoy all the things we see others doing. But if the Holy Spirit has changed your heart, you also want to glorify God. My advice is to find other things to do. There are youth groups (if not at your church--you can go to someone else’s) and campus ministries (RUF is a great one!) that offer all kinds of activities. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Have game nights and (clean) movie nights. You can have fun without doing the things that dishonor God and your body. You have a choice in who and what you surround yourself with.
What does the Bible say about eating disorders? Are they sinful? I have a very unhealthy relationship with food.
I don’t think there are any specific passages in the Bible regarding eating disorders. There are a lot of topics that God doesn’t speak to directly. But I do know that you were made in the image of God and as His child He desires the best for you. An eating disorder is not what is best. It is sin for that reason. All things that keep us from glorifying God are sin: anger, malice, lust, gluttony, and even self-imposed rules about food. Maybe rules or rituals that give a sense of control. In this chaotic world, we all crave control. I know I do. The problem with trying to control things is that it breeds arrogance. And, let’s face it, we are not in control. Of anything. But that’s okay because we know who is. Our God is good and right and just. He has created all things to work together for our good--including food and the way our bodies process food. Please fix your eyes on Him, the author and creator, and give thanks for your amazing body. “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13, NIV). There are support groups for eating disorders. (I’m not sure which one is appropriate for you because you weren’t specific.) Maybe you don’t think you’re there yet, but I beg you, sweet sister, to get some help with designing a healthy menu and diet and support with keeping it--now. Before it affects your health. It WILL affect your health.