EP 09: The Call to Foster Care

Hey sis! Welcome to episode 09 of the Daughter of Delight podcast: The Call to Foster Care.Today’s episode is a special one. The month of May is Foster Care Awareness month, and just in case you missed my big announcement a few weeks ago, my husband Michael and I spent the beginning of this year until now training and getting certified to become foster parents. If you are a foster parent or are familiar with how it works, you know that the amount of paperwork is pretty darn crazy. So very worth it, but crazy! Michael and I have finally completed it all, which calls for a celebration of its own! Our paperwork is being sent to the state this week and then our foster parenting journey will really begin.That being said, today’s episode is all about the story of just how we got here. God has been preparing us for this for quite some time, and I cannot wait to dive into all the details with you. Before we get started, I want to share the review of the week! 

Review of the Week

This review comes from Jocelynne, and it says,“I started following Daughter of Delight on Instagram and when I heard this podcast was launching I got so excited! Just hearing the first episode spoke so loudly and it led me to pray about starting a ministry that the Lord had placed on my heart for yours that I was pushing aside because I convinced myself I was unequipped and unworthy. Thank you Elle for sharing all these tools the Lord has blessed you with, from the blog to the podcast. God is definitely putting your gift to use! I pray for you and that this tool would continue to reach others and encourage our walks with Christ.”Jocelynne, my sister! Wow, thank you for taking the time to share this with me. I am so grateful to hear this and seriously so honored that the Lord would use Daughter of Delight and my journey to inspire and encourage you in your journey! Thank you for committing your corner of social media to making His name known! It is so needed, and I am praying over your ministry efforts! It won’t always be easy or something you feel so excited to do, but let me tell you- it will always be worth it. Keep showing up and being obedient to this call. God will be faithful every step of the way- I promise. 

Review the Podcast

Sis, if you haven’t left a review yet and are enjoying the podcast, would you take a second to do so? I don’t know about you, but when I am on a hunt for a new podcast, the first place I go to is the review section. It would be so very helpful for others, and such a blessing to me, if you were to take the time to leave a review. As an expression of my appreciation and gratitude, each week I do a special shoutout to a sister who has left a review. So who knows, next week it could be yours! Alright, now it’s time to talk about what I am here to talk about: fostering! 

Voices for the Voiceless

I want to preface our story with the fact that I am incredibly grateful to have this space to share our journey with you. I really believe the Lord has called my husband and I not just to foster, but to be voices for the foster care system. That being said, I recognize not everyone can foster or even has a desire to foster, but I do believe that, as children of God, we should all be aware and involved with fostering and adoption to some degree- even if that is simply by being prayer warriors for our friends and family who navigate these particular waters. So, with that in mind, here is the story of how the Lord planted and watered the seed he placed in our hearts to foster.

The Call to Foster Care

Michael and I got married in the late fall season of 2016. We will be married for four years this November! Over the course of our life together, we have found ourselves in many conversations about domestic adoption. 

A Gift to Be Celebrated

You see, my twin brother, Benjamin, and I were adopted. We were adopted on the day we were born, so, naturally, we don’t remember a thing. But what we do remember is how our parents always celebrated the fact that we were adopted.It was not something to be ashamed of.It was not something to hide.Adoption was a gift to be celebrated.Our parents instilled the beauty of this so early on. I can’t even remember when we first learned that we were adopted because we were so young. It’s just something I have always known! 

The Real Blessing

When Ben and I were either for or five, we were outside playing and he ran up to her, hugged her tight and said, “Mommy, I am SO glad we adopted you!”Isn’t that the sweetest thing? A genuine endearment for a mother who did everything she could to make life beautiful for us. I know she and my father considered themselves the blessed ones, but my brother and I would disagree. WE are really the blessed ones, here. I mean, I was so proud to be adopted that one of my three fun facts for class introductions was that I was adopted. And I’m glad I was this way because it opened the doors to a lot of conversations with friends and even people I was not that close to. People were curious, and I was eager to tell them how wonderful it truly was.That being said, my desire to adopt has always been a part of me. My husband, Michael, is not adopted but he has a desire to adopt. And I can’t even tell you how happy I was when I realized he did.

Life Together

In September of 2018, Michael and I moved into our first house together. About a month later, when it was time to turn the heat on, we quickly realized our gas heater was not working. Side note: I know this seems very random, but it will all make sense in a second! Promise! When the repairman came to take a look, he told us two things. 1) We had asbestos on the exterior of our ductwork and 2) The ductwork was not up to code and he couldn’t fix the problem until it was. If you are unfamiliar with asbestos, it is a group of fibrous minerals composed of thin, needle-like fibers. Exposure to it has been known to cause several cancers and diseases. It was used for basically everything back in the day until this was discovered. Many old houses probably have it. Anyway, I remember Michael and I looking at each other while the repairman was talking. I could tell we were thinking the exact same thing. “Oh my gosh."Once the repairman left and we made a few more calls, we realized we not only had to leave the house we had just moved into, but that it was going to cost us a WHOLE lot of money. Michael and I packed our bags and moved in with his parents and stayed on their farm for three months.I was so frustrated and sad that we were losing so much of our savings to something that could and should have been avoided from the get-go. But as I look back on this season now, I realize this is where our first conversation about fostering took place. 

The Seeds are planted

As Michael and I lived out of our suitcases for those three months, we often discussed the future and moving back home. It gave us something to look forward to to be able to dream together.Because of those conversations, we became very serious about fostering and started to consider our options for it. Fast forward to February 2019. At this point, we have moved back in to our home and I have sent my question-filled emails and made some phone calls to the state regarding fostering. Before we knew it we were all signed up for training to take place in mid-April. That being said, the week of training something was just not sitting right with me. It felt like God was telling me that we needed to wait, even though I was confident we were ready.Two nights before training, the conviction was the heaviest it had been and I brought it up to Michael. He, too, felt like we needed to wait.This was so hard for me to come to terms with because it made me feel selfish. Why was it important for us to wait when there were and still are SO many kids in the foster care system? I emailed the woman who would be leading us in training to let her know we had decided to wait and pursue it later on.  She was so sweet and gracious in her reply to me, but it still pained me to know that we would have to wait even longer to do this. I mean, Michael and I had been discussing it for months at this point. 

The Seeds are Watered

Fostering took a backseat for a while after that. We busied ourselves with DIY home projects and everyday life-related things. But there was a part of me that felt like something was missing.So then I wondered, “Are Michael and I supposed to have children first?”And then the doors to the conversation of fostering a child versus birthing a child opened. We weighed the pros and cons to doing one before the other and vice versa, and there for a while we were set on trying to get pregnant. We didn’t rush into this, though. Instead, we prayed about it and discussed it for quite some time. And I am glad we did, because as much as I would love to experience the miracle of childbirth one day, and as much as I encounter baby fever, the conviction to foster resurfaced itself in both of our hearts. Fostering would come first.

The Waiting Continues

Because the conviction to foster first was so strong, I felt like we would know in our hearts when it was actually time to pursue it.But sis, the waiting was so hard. I knew that God’s ways are higher and better, no matter what that may look like, but I also wrestled with the wait. It was a result of my lack of trust in Him and I really had to focus on surrendering it all into His hands so that I could relinquish the control I desired to have over the situation. I’m so, so grateful for the grace my Father bestowed on me during this time. I really believe God used this situation to further prepare Michael and I as foster parents. Now, let’s fast forward to August of 2019. 

The Seeds Sprout

On the week of my 26th birthday, I woke up one morning with a strong conviction it was time to pursue fostering. It was like, as soon as I opened my eyes, I just knew. Talk about the best birthday gift ever. At the same time, though, I was a little nervous to bring it up to Michael. We had already gone back and forth about it multiple times and it just felt exhausting at times to even think about, yet alone discuss.He had already left for work for the day, so I decided to pray on it to help make sure this conviction was from God and not just a “I’m turning 26, it’s time to do this” kind of thing. Because let’s be honest, it very well could have been that. I prayed and kept it to myself until the following evening at my birthday dinner that Michael treated me to.After we placed our orders and got some breadsticks and salad, I brought it up. And guess what? It was well-received.It felt amazing to get it off my chest! But it felt even better when I realized we were both feeling the nudge to move forward with things. We did take our time discussing this and making sure it really was time to look further into things so that we could really start to pursue this new chapter of our lives together. We prayed, read all the blogs, and became part of a Facebook group for foster parents to help open our eyes to their reality which would soon become ours.

Foster Care Conversations

At this point, all that was left for us to do was decide between going through the state versus a nonprofit. The weekend of New Year’s, Michael and I attended an out of town wedding. On our way back home, we decided to get together for coffee with one of Michael’s best friends and his wife. Our catch-up session with them quickly turned into a conversation that God used to help us determine that we would be going through a non-profit. It was THE coolest thing, y’all.You see, I had completely forgotten that the wife of Michael’s best friend worked for the very non-profit Michael and I had discussed. This meant two things for us. First, she was able to speak from experience of working with them firsthand. Second, she was also able to share some of the major differences between going through a nonprofit or the state.She and I both cried as she shared these things. When Michael and I got back to the car I squeezed his hand, looked at him and said, “We are going through this non-profit.”  And he agreed.At this point in our story, we felt more at peace -- more ready -- than since we first began discussing fostering back in November of 2018. Sis, Michael and I waited for over a year. And as we did, I can look back and see how God used it to prepare our hearts and also affirm us in the truth that He had indeed invited to take a seat at this table. 

The Journey Begins

When we got back into town, I reached out to Youth Villages, which is the non-profit Michael and I were both interested in pursuing our foster training through. And on January 2 of this year, we had a two-hour conversation over coffee with one of the kindest people I have ever met. Minutes into our conversation, he asked us if we were Christians. This opened the door to an incredibly authentic conversation because he, too, was a believer. He not only handled my questions with a ton of patience and grace, but he also answered them Kingdom-minded. Both, Michael and I walked away feeling encouraged and also just so grateful that the Lord had made this connection; that He had been preparing us for our journey through Youth Villages all along. 

A SPecial Type of Waiting

Now, I could already write a book on all that we have learned. And the thing is, we haven’t had our first placement yet. If you are listening to this the week that it’s released, our six pounds of paperwork -- okay, it’s not really six pounds, I promise, but it us a lot --  anyways, our paperwork is being submitted to the state for approval and certification this week. That means we could have our first placement as soon as the end of this week. This is so crazy to think about! ANd I’m so happy I took the opportunity to share the beginning of our story with you today. It has allowed me to really see the sovereign hands of my God at work.All of that being said, while we are at peace and so ready to get started, we are also very nervous. I do believe our fears are holy fear in the sense that God is and will continue to use them to remind us of our true need and dependence on Him. Because sis, we really couldn’t be doing this -- and wouldn’t even thinking about doing this -- without His leading.I want to wrap up today’s episode by sharing some prayer requests with you. Michael and I would both be so grateful if you were to come alongside us in this way. And we cannot thank you enough for doing so!

Prayers For Our Foster Care Journey

Pray for the STrength

First thing first: The kids that we are going to have the opportunity to love have trauma. Real trauma that needs real love and attention. So, please put it on your prayer request list that Michael and I would be able to provide these very things and more as these children navigate unimaginable waters.This is going to be a HUGE transition for both us and these children. We know our hearts will most likely be broken one thousand times over. But we also know God is in this. Michael and I believe this is such a beautiful way to participate in God’s redemptive work within this world. So, do please join us in praying for strength as we walk through this alongside Him!

Pray for the kids

Second: Pray for the kids. That they would feel safe, love and heard. That they would experience the peace, love and healing touch of God within the walls of our home. And that the Lord would use our time with them to come to know Him or grow in their walk with Him.

Pray for the Parents

Finally, please pray for the parents. Michael and I are not in this to “take children from their parents”. In addition, we are not fostering because it’s the “second best” decision for us. It is the V-E-R-Y best decision for us! And we know this because God has made it abundantly clear this is the path for us to pursue. If the opportunity to adopt were to present itself and it’s a good fit, then of course we will. Like I said earlier in this episode, I am adopted and have always had the desire to adopt! But I also know that it may not be through the foster care system when we do. And that’s totally okay. Right now, I just want to focus on being obedient to loving and caring for the kids who need it most.As long as it is safe, good and right for these kids, we are pro-reunification! We want the parents of these children to know we are on their side, NOT their enemy. This is probably what I am most nervous about. Please pray for the relationships we will have with them. Please pray for opportunities to share the love of God with them as we care for their children!

Thank You for Tuning in To the Beginning of Our Foster Care Story!

Sis, I am SO excited to be real and raw with you about our journey in the ways I have permission to be. And if you want to keep up with our journey even more, you can follow along on my personal Instagram page, @elle_cardel. That being said though, respecting the privacy of the kids we will soon have the privilege to love and serve is absolutely necessary and something Michael and I are completely committed to.Thank you for taking the time to listen to the beginning of this special chapter of our lives. I’m really excited to shine light on the foster care system for you and to just be a voice for it altogether. If you have any questions about the foster training process, helpful questions to ask when calling around or doing research, and really just anything related to this, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I would love to be a resource for you! As always, you can reach me at hello@daughterofdelight.com.May God be glorified in and through every piece of our story. Soli deo Gloria!

A Special thanks to Dwell

Today’s episode is brought to you by one of my newfound loves- Dwell. Dwell is a new audio Bible app that is filled with helpful tools to help you dwell in God’s Word. Bible teachers across the globe are recommending this app and sis, there is a reason for that! Dwell offers a variety of listening plans you can tune into, with 7 different narrators who all have amazing accents. In addition, you also have the option to listen to music written specifically for the Dwell app as you listen to your narrator of choice read your selected listening plan. Dwell offers such a unique listening experience with Scripture and I’m so excited for you to check it out! Here's a fun fact for you! Dwell is generously giving the Daughter of Delight community 33% off an annual subscription to the app. Visit dwellapp.io/daughterofdelight to get your discount and start using your ears to renew your mind! That’s dwellapp.io/daughterofdelight for 33% off an annual subscription. I’ll be sure to link it in the show notes! Alright, let’s get back to our episode now! 

Want More?

Check out last week’s episode, The Threat of False Teachers & How to Identify Them!Find more Gospel-encouragement on the blog, too!