EP 10: Navigating Church Hurt
Hey sis! Welcome to episode 10 of the Daughter of Delight podcast.How are we already 10 weeks in?! Goodness, what a fun ride it has been so far! Whether you have been with me from the start or if you’re tuning in for the very first time, I am SO glad you are here. Today, we are going to talk about something that maybe not all of us can relate to, but it’s certainly something we all should understand and be aware of. And that is church hurt. Before we go any further with this, though, I want to share the review of the week with you!
Review of the Week
This week’s shoutout goes to lmichael92. Here’s what she has to say about the podcast:I am already loving this podcast and so excited for all the content ahead. We need truth to be spoken in the podcast space! Thank you for being brave enough to do it and speak even when it’s hard! The world needs more of it. I know God is in this!Thank you SO much, lmichael92. What a gift your words are for me today! It means more than you know that you are standing alongside me and cheering me on as I seek to be obedient to the Lord’s call on my life. You encouraged me more than you know, sis.And for all my other sisters out there, I would love it if you would take a hot second to review the podcast. Your review will help the podcast grow and get me all the more fired up and excited to keep creating content just for you! Alright, so now that I have shared the review of the week, let’s talk about how to navigate church hurt.
What is Church Hurt?
Put simply, church hurt refers to a painful and personal experience caused by one or more members of a church body that leaves one deeply wounded. This type of hurt is common amongst churchgoers and it comes in all sizes. It can leave you feeling anywhere from burned out to soul-scarred and physically ill at the thought of walking through your church doors again.It can also result in you leaving your church family to seek out another, or it may result in you never wanting to step foot through any church doors ever again.That being said, this can be a very sensitive topic of discussion for many who have walked this road, and honestly, for good reason. Church hurt HURTS. It really hurts. And I know this because I have been there.If you have been there too, or if you find yourself there now, I just want to say, “I’m sorry.” I feel for you and I am so, so sorry. I pray that this episode would encourage you and help point you in the right direction of healing if you are in the process of seeking it. I'm not here today to share the nitty-gritty details of my personal experience. I am here to share what I have learned from it and to address church hurt through the lens of God’s Word. God has a lot to say about the church, no matter how we may feel about it at times, and it’s important for us to know what these things are. Sis, God’s Word is the very thing that shows us how to navigate these waters.
Church Hurt is Not New
The first thing I want to talk about regarding this issue is the fact that we cannot -- we must not -- forget that the church is made of broken people. Seriously -- if you look at most of the New Testament letters, you will soon come to realize they are addressed to unhealthy, imperfect churches. Churches filled with broken people.The apostle Paul wrote several of the New Testament letters, and a large piece of his ministry was devoted to reconciliation; to calling out the unhealthy and messy lifestyle habits of the church in order to open their eyes to the truth that Jesus is and always will be better than anything this world has to offer. In fact, God was so pleased with Paul’s ministry that He set him as an example of someone to imitate. In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” And in Philippians 3:17, he says, “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.”I say all of this to say, the church has always been broken and, unfortunately, being hurt by someone or more than one someone in the church is nothing new. But, according to the truths of God’s Word, we absolutely can heal from it. And here’s how.
How to Navigate Church Hurt
In Christ Alone, YOur Hope is Found
First, remember that your hope is not in the church, but in Christ and Christ alone. This right here was an incredibly important truth that I really had to come to terms with during my season of healing from being hurt by other churchgoers. If you have ever dealt with this, you know that a large piece of the aftermath is wanting little to nothing to do with spending time in the Word. But here’s the thing: like food, we need His Word to get through the day. His Word is the very sustenance our souls crave. His Word is the very place from which we were created to thrive. Even if it’s just for a few minutes each day, commit to rooting yourself in His truth and love. Knowing what His Word has to say will not only help us process our hurt, but it will also comfort us in the midst of it as we pursue healing. Sis, in Christ alone your hope is found. And don’t you forget it.
Do Not Neglect the Gathering
The second piece of encouragement I want to share with you today can be found in Hebrews 10:25. Here is what it says: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (ESV).Now, I know this may not be easy to hear, but Hebrews 10:25 tells us to not neglect the gathering. Here’s why that is: Because Jesus LOVES the church. The church is His bride! And, as much as you may not want to, it’s important to persevere as you pray for and pursue healing. Oftentimes, we can let the hurt caused by one or a handful of believers within our church community ruin the church altogether for us. When we say things like, “the church hurt me” instead of acknowledging the direct source(s) of where the hurt came from, our hearts can become affected toward the entire congregation. It’s important to focus our efforts on the direct source rather than on a wider area that involves brothers and sisters in Christ who literally had nothing to do with the hurt you experienced.Sis, Jesus knows everything you have endured in this life. So, let Him -- the very One who gave His life for the church -- for us -- be the very proof of your love for His people-- your brothers and sisters in Christ. Let Him be the reason you work to get past this. He will use it for His glory and your good. I promise.
The Purpose of the Church
The next thing I want to talk about is God’s intended meaning for church.God did not create us to live our Christian lives in isolation. We were created to worship God in unison! Colossians 3:16 tells us, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (ESV).Keep in mind here that the letters of the New Testament were addressed to local churches. These letters teach us things, like how to get along with other members, how to conduct ourselves at church, how to build each other up, how to confront a churchgoer who has wronged you, and so much more. If you want to read more about these things, check out letters like 1 and 2 Corinthians, Ephesians, James, and the Timothys. Sis, without the church, we lack the community God created and intended for us to have in this life. We were created to be the body of Christ. And although that may look messy and be painful at times, we have to let our hearts acknowledge that Christ is greater than any hurt we will ever have in this life. Part of acknowledging this truth is loving our brothers and sisters when they wrong us. Here’s the thing: We have and continue to wrong God as a result of our sinful nature...but He who knew know sin took on our sin so that we could dwell with Him in paradise one day. He demonstrated the greatest of love that we will ever know. And, as God’s children, we must follow His lead.If you fix your heart on your hurts, you are going to miss out on the abundance of life that Christ came to give. Don’t do this to yourself. Rather than focusing on why it happened or how it could have been avoided, focus on forgiveness and healing. Fix your heart on Christ and let Him heal you, sis. He is the only way!
Confrontation is a Part of Community
The fourth point I want to share with you is found in Matthew 18:15-17.“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (ESV). Alright, Jesus lays it all out for us here. And, as much as we may not like the idea of confronting the one who has wronged us, we must acknowledge that Jesus knows best.
A Personal Story
Here’s the thing: Sometimes people hurt people without knowing it. In fact, years ago now, I lost a friendship. And I really think it was because I had hurt her feelings in some way and she refused to talk to me about it. I valued this friendship so much that I reached out to her several times only to hear crickets in return. It was devastating, and I wish that we could have talked it out so that our friendship could have been spared. I beat myself up over this for such a long time.This entire situation opened my eyes all the more to the importance of confrontation. Sis, your feet may feel like they’re stuck in the mud when you consider confronting the person who has hurt you. Or, you may feel too prideful to confront someone over something they did.But regardless of how you feel about the matter, as the Lord’s children, we have to address the issue head-on. Because confrontation is part of community! Spend time in prayer to prepare your heart. Ask God to guide you and give you the words to say. Trust that He is in this and will carry you through, no matter what. Because He surely will.
Remember Your Enemy
The fifth piece of advice I want to share with you today is to remember your enemy.It’s not the one who wronged you, sis. Your enemy is the same enemy as Christ’s. You see, Satan has hated God from the very beginning of time. There is no doubt about it. So, you better believe it when I say that Satan wants nothing to do with church except to destroy it. His goal is to distract us with the very things that will keep our eyes on anything but our Creator. And what better way to do that than by stirring up strife within the church.Our enemy wants to tear down the walls of the church just as fast as the Lord builds them.He is a liar, a thief, and an accuser and he wants nothing more than to see God’s people become the same; to see the faith-filled become faithless.Take heart, though! Matthew 16:18 tells us that the gates of hell shall not prevail against the church. This means that when Christ returns, every enemy of God will be destroyed. There will be no sin, no death and no Satan. So, keep fighting the good fight! The Lord is on your side and He will have the final say.
Forgiven People Forgive
The next thing I want to share with you today is this:Forgiven people forgive.In Matthew 6:15, Jesus says, “But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” I know, I know. This is difficult to hear. But think about it. How often do you sin? I guarantee you can’t give me a number on that one, and I know this because we share the same flesh nature. Which is, sin. We NEED God’s grace. And we HAVE it, not because of anything we have done or ever will do. But because of everything He has done for us.So, hear me when I say that the same grace He bestows upon you is the same grace He bestows upon the one who has wronged you. Sis, in Christ you have been forgiven. Pursue the path of forgiveness as a result of what has been done for us. No, it will not be easy, and your flesh will fight it every step of the way. But it is the right and holy thing to do. Ask Jesus to be your guide and faithful friend, and He will guide you through these waters. I promise.And there you have it: six ways to help you navigate being hurt by others within your church community. I pray that these six truths would help you process the pain you have or may experience in the church. They really have changed my life and I am hopeful they will change yours, too. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that a life without love is meaningless. And 1 Peter 4:8 tells us that love covers a multitude of sins. This means the best way to move forward is to do so in love. And my prayer for you is that you would do just that.
Thanks For Tuning into Today’s Episode
Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s discussion on how to navigate church hurt. I pray that it blessed you. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love for you to share the show with a girlfriend or screenshot this episode, add it to your Instagram story and tell me what your favorite takeaway was! Be sure to tag @daughterofdelight so that I can give you a personal shoutout! If you are loving the podcast, I would love if you would consider becoming a DOD VIP. I’m so thrilled and thankful to be able to show up for you in this way each week, and partnering with me in my ministry efforts will help make way for me to do it all the more! Sis, every dollar makes a difference. You can read more about the monthly exclusives for my VIPS and the different options to give through the link in today’s show notes.Alright, sis! That is a wrap for today. Enjoy the rest of your week and I’ll talk with you next Wednesday! Bye for now!
More
Did you enjoy today's episode, "How to Navigate Church Hurt"? Check out last week's episode here!Want more? Sign up for our weekly Gospel-encouragement email here!