EP 13: Taming the Tongue
Taming the tongue is a biblical call that we are reminded of in James 3. Today on the podcast, we are talking about the tongue and how we can tame it because and only because of the power of God's Spirit in us.
Welcome
Hey, hey! WELCOME to episode 13 of the Daughter of Delight podcast. Wherever it is you are tuning in from, I am so glad you are here!If you tuned in to last week’s episode, you probably remember me talking about a giveaway for those who left a rating and review between then and now. This week’s review of the week is special because I am announcing the winner of the giveaway by sharing their review!
Review of the Week
The winner of the giveaway is almostchirokate. Here is her winning review:“Elle is truly a joy to listen to and she always is right on point. I can only thank God for that, but I am thankful for Elle too in that she LISTENS to what he places on her heart and ALLOWS herself to be a vessel for the Kingdom. I highly recommend this podcast to any woman of any age -- especially those young adults like myself. If I could give DOD 1000 stars I would!”Thank you so much, almostchirokate. And CONGRATS! You are the winner of the Daughter of Delight dad hat AND Daughter of Delight’s first-ever Bible study, The Esther Intensive.And THANK YOU to everyone who submitted a review. It means so much and I am grateful for you all! And don’t worry- more giveaways coming soon- I promise!Okay, now to our topic of discussion for the week!
Tongue Check
I want to start our conversation on taming our tongues with a question:When was the last time you gave yourself a tongue check?That sounds kind of weird, I know, but what I mean is summed up perfectly through the words of Proverbs 18:21: “our words are strong weapons that hold great potential- to harm and to heal” (ESV).Now, I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”But let’s be honest here- that’s just not true.
Words Matter
When I was in middle school, there was a certain boy who bullied me. And I so badly wanted to believe his words wouldn’t hurt me, but they did. His words harmed me. Here I am at 26 years old telling you this. Have I forgiven him? Absolutely. But do I remember how they made me feel? Yep. And it’s a great example of how our words can really carry lifelong impact with them.Sis, our tongues can destroy marriages, friendships, careers, reputations, even lives. Used the right way, however, they can heal marriages, restore friendships, careers, reputations, and even save lives.Don’t get me wrong though- I am just as guilty as anyone else when it comes to taming my tongue.In fact, as I was preparing for this episode, I asked my husband Michael to name a recent time when I said something I shouldn't have. Y’all, I can be real sassy with him sometimes.His response to my question was hilarious. He said, “Give me a day or two and something will come up.”Now, although this may be funny, it’s so true. Even if I am simply joking with my husband -- or anyone for the matter -- if I am not careful my words can really leave a mark. And the same goes for you.
Toxic Tongue
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you said something you didn’t even want to say, just to fit in? Just to be a part of a toxic conversation that was neither helpful or fruitful?If so, you are in good company. But don’t get comfortable, because this is wrong. And something has got to change in order for us to put this sin to death. Don’t you agree?As followers of Christ, we are undoubtedly going to find ourselves in uncomfortable situations. And it’s not the fact that we find ourselves in them, but what we do them that matters.
Chatty Cathy
If you are getting coffee with Chatty Cathy and she just can’t stop talking about how wrong so-and-so was about X, Y and Z and how much she just does not like her, you have a choice to make.You either nod your head in agreement and participate in the toxic gossip session, or you encourage Chatty Cathy to change her tone and the subject of the conversation in order to better reflect the image of Christ we bear.Not only have I had to do this before, but I have had friends who have held me accountable as well. This is one of the beautiful things about Christ-centered friendships.Given, even if the person you are getting coffee with is not a believer, you can also speak up. As children of God, we are called to do our very best in setting a good example for those around us. And starting a conversation in order to vent about one or participating in a conversation that is centered on gossip does NOT achieve this.That being said, this is only one of the many examples I could give you about the need to tame our tongues. And I’m not just talking about face-to-face conversations here, either. I am also talking about the words you type behind the computer screen when Chatty Cathy shares a very political post that irks you in all the wrong ways. In ways that cause you to be angry and lead you to want to speak from that place of anger instead of keeping your words seasoned with salt and spoken in love.
About James
James does a great job shining light on the danger of the tongue. So, for today’s episode, we are going to plant ourselves in James chapter 3. If you want to grab your Bible, great! But if you are in the process of working out, doing laundry, or driving while listening to this no worries- I will still read the verses that we are focusing on today to you.Before we dive in, let me give you a little overview of this epistle. If you are unfamiliar with the term epistle, it simply means letter.
Who was James?
Although there are several James mentioned in the New Testament church, the James that authored this letter is most likely the half-brother of Jesus. I use the term half-brother because Jesus was conceived not by Mary and Joseph, but in Mary’s womb by the Holy Spirit.I don’t know how much you know about this James, but something important to note is that he was a skeptic of who Jesus claimed to be during His earthly ministry. James 7:5 tells us, “For not even his brothers believed in him” (ESV).Jesus’ family, His very brothers who lived with Him for 30 years, didn’t even truly KNOW Him. Mark 3:21 tells us that they claimed Jesus was “out of his mind”.However, James and his brothers were all converted when they became eyewitnesses of Christ’s Resurrection. 1 Corinthians 15:7 tells us, “Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles” (ESV).I think it’s important to note here that James is singled out here in the resurrection appearance. This definitely speaks to his conversion.Also, I cannot imagine how James must have felt when he realized that Jesus was, indeed, the risen Savior. Personally, I would have wept like a baby.
Who Did James Write This Letter To?
After his conversion, James went on to become a leader of the church of Jerusalem and his letter to the church speaks true to many of the struggles we face in the Christian life.In chapter James 1:2, we learn James wrote this letter to the 12 tribes in the Dispersion. The Dispersion refers to Christians who had to flee Jerusalem due to persecution that resulted from their allegiance to Christ. James saw the need for these Christians who were living in exile to be reminded of how true faith responds to such circumstances.And that’s how the letter of James came to be! With this in mind, it makes sense that the overall purpose of this letter is rooted in GROWTH. James only wanted the best for His brothers and sisters in Christ. He saw ways in which he could encourage them in their walk with God, and he did just that.
James 3 and Taming the Tongue
Okay, so now that we have covered a basic understanding of who James was and why he wrote this letter, let’s transition into James 3 and focus on the topic of taming our tongue. For the purposes of today’s episode, I want to focus specifically on the latter half of verse 5 through verse 10. Here is what it says:"How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so" (ESV).Man, those last two verses are so convicting. Let me read them again."With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so" (ESV).
The Power of the Tongue
Dear sister in Christ, our tongues, although they may be small, are capable of creating great disasters. As James alludes to in verse 6, when it is not controlled, the tongue is like a fire that rages out of control. The words that roll off of it have the power to bless and to curse, to create and to destroy. What we do with it matters.Again, whether or not we are willing to admit it, we always have a choice when we speak. Even when we find ourselves in pressure-filled conversations that encourage us to gossip, the Spirit of God in us is stronger!! With it, we have the chance to speak life and light into the conversation instead of giving in.
God Calls Us to Change
I know this can come across as easier said than done at times, especially if you are the only Christian in your friend group or workplace. But, as Christians, God calls us to change; to be in control of our tongues. And we must not ignore this call to change. We must honor Him in doing so.Yes, it may be awkward and yes, it may damage some of those unhealthy friendships...but God will use your obedience to Him to not only spark change in your heart but also help grow you more and more into His image. He will use you to set the example; to point those around you to the One above you!
Taming the Tongue
Now, if you are anything like me, sometimes I don’t even realize what I have said until after I have said whatever I should not have said. Because at times my words are more impulsive than they are thought-out. And it’s yet another reminder to me that I’ve got to reign it in and, as James 1:19 says, to be quick to listen and slow to speak. That I’ve got to be better.James 3:8 tells us that, “no human being” can tame the tongue. Meaning, we cannot tame our tongues without the strength of God’s Spirit in us. We must rely solely on Him and seek Him in all things in order to reel it in and speak words that are seasoned with salt, light and love.There are certainly some things we can put into place to help us tame our tongue. Things that will help us fight against our sin-prone flesh and commit to saying words that instill love, light and hope instead of darkness and despair; things that will help us to better love people and honor God above all.With that being said, I am about to share a few of those ways with you! I hope you will find them not only helpful but also fruitful.Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (ESV). My prayer for us all is that the words that leave our lips would be gracious, sweet, and God-honoring.
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5 Ways to Tame the Tongue
Commit Yourself to God
First of all, commit yourself to God every single day. Start it in prayer and by meditating on His Word. Now, I know this tip isn’t something that will catch you off guard, and it shouldn’t. But here’s the thing. This is one of the absolute most important things that we, as Christians, must do. Reading God’s Word and praying are the very things that will grow us in our understanding of who He is and who we are because of what was done for us.When it all comes down to it, the issue with our tongue is really an issue of the heart. It is an indicator of a heart change that needs to take place. When we focus on this heart change, when we marinate in the truths of God’s Word and seek to be changed by them from the inside out, we will be able to better heed the call of Colossians 3:2, which tells us to, set our minds on things that are above.Sister, in order to speak love, our heart has to be set on the Greatest Love. Once we focus on God, the heart change that needs to take place will occur and we will soon find ourselves able to reign in our tongues because of the strength we have in Him. As a result of these things, you won’t find yourself enjoying gossip as much as you enjoy the Gospel.A great Scripture to read, reflect and spend time in prayer with is the very thing we are focusing on today: James 3!
Think Before You Speak
My next tip is to think before you speak. If I had a dime for every time my momma said this to me! I kind of wish I would have kept track of it all. It got to the point where, as a kid, I would roll my eyes when she said it. But it’s a truth that applies to us all, no matter how old we are, and one that we should not look past!There have been times where words have flown out of my mouth before I could catch them. That sounds bad, because it is bad.There is a reason my mother taught me this lesson, and a reason I am sharing it with you! The more we think before we speak, the more we will be able to determine whether or not something should actually be said.Pray that God would give you a strong sense of discernment when it comes to what you should and should not say. Pray the words of Psalm 141:3: Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! (ESV) Pray for the boldness to speak up when no one else will. Pray the words of Proverbs 10:11: The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence (ESV).
Be Intentional
Alright, the next tip I’ve got for you to is to be intentional about lifting others up.Ephesians 4:29 tells us to, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (ESV).Making it your goal to speak life and not death into those around you is a great way to help tame your tongue. This tip doesn’t just refer to your close friends, though. It refers to strangers, and even those you do not enjoy being around. You never know what kind of impact God will use your words to make in the hearts of others. Set the example.
Look At Your Heart
Tip number four is to look at what you are filling your heart with. Luke 6:45 tells us that “the mouth speaks what the heart is full of!” Draw near and fill your heart with the commands of the Lord and what you know to be true about His heart for His people.Psalm 119:105 tells us that His Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. And in Proverbs 3:1-2, we are told to not forget His teachings but to let our hearts keep His commandments.May it be so for you and me!
Remember the Cost
The final thing I want to share with you is a charge to remember the cost and a series of questions to ask yourself as you consider whether or not something is helpful and fruitful. The truth is, no matter how bad our flesh may want to say something, sometimes we just should not say it. We are not called to say everything we think! And I have a feeling you know exactly what I mean by this!Sister, you and I have both said things we regret. Things that have certainly done more harm than anything else. So, as we move forward in trying to be better and more wholesome with our tongues, let us remind ourselves of the cost when we lash out. Not to induce guilt, but to help remind us that speaking life is the goal, here. Building up is the goal here. And if our words are going to tear down, they are not worth saying at all- ever. No matter what our emotions want to say about it.Are my words truthful and rooted in love? Is what I want to say necessary? Are my words filled with pride? Are my words meant to edify? If I say them, will these words be seasoned with salt?Will my words point others to Christ?
Pray
As you consider these questions, let us pray for one another. Let us ask our Heavenly Father to give us the strength as we look to Him to speak light, life and love. God can and will use our tongues to make an eternal impact in the lives of others, so my prayer for us all is that we would be more focused on His redemptive work in us and in the world as we surrender the issue of being reigned by our tongues in exchange for being reigned by His hand. Amen?
Thanks For Tuning In
That’s a wrap for today, sister! Thanks a ton for tuning in! I pray God used this episode to convict you in areas that call for change. And don’t worry, I’m right there with you. This episode was filled with reminders of truth for you and me both!If you enjoyed this episode, I would be so incredibly thankful if you could help me spread the word about it! Would you do me a favor and share it with three friends that you think might enjoy it? Or, take a screenshot, add it to your IG story and tell me what your favorite takeaway was! Don’t forget to tag @daughterofdelight so I can see it. I can’t wait to read your thoughts!And I also can’t wait to be back with you next week. Talk soon!
More
Did you enjoy today's episode on taming the tongue? Check out last week's episode, Biblical Dating 101, here!Want more Gospel-centered encouragement? Click here!
Meet Your Host
Elle Cardel
Elle is a 26-year-old southern gal and lives in a historic fixer-upper in Shelbyville, TN with her college sweetheart and hubby, Michael. She is on a mission to encourage and empower women across the globe with the life-giving, transformative truths found in God’s infallible Word.Elle believes that in order to truly know and enjoy life with the Father, we must live and breathe His Word. This belief is part of the story behind how Daughter of Delight came to be. If you would like to learn more about the DOD story, click here you can do so here!