EP 17: Rapid-Fire Q&A
This week, we are wrapping up season one of the Daughter of Delight podcast with a rapid-fire Q&A session! You asked, Elle delivered! Ready for some #realtalk? Let's do this!
Welcome
Hey there and welcome to episode 17 of the Daughter of Delight podcast! Today we are wrapping up season one with a rapid-fire Q and A. I’m really excited for it...especially because I have my husband Michael with me to guide me through all the questions. Michael does so much of the behind the scenes work for the podcast. He produces all of the episodes. Without him, there would be no podcast, so I’m especially grateful for his help. Not only that, but he is the best supporter and cheerleader I have. He has supported and loved Daughter of Delight from the moment I first told him about it, and it’s just the best.Alright! So now that you’ve had a chance to meet him, I am going to read the review of the week and then I am going to announce the two winners of the Daughter of Delight dad hats. Woo hoo!
Review of the Week
This week’s review of the weeks comes to us from Butterfly 2.0 and it says, “Thank you for all you do! I love this podcast.”That is the sweetest ever and I am so encouraged by your words. Thank you so much Butterfly 2.0. I’m so grateful for your support!Now, I’m not shy about asking for reviews because it’s a special way to partner with the work God is doing through Daughter of Delight. So sister, if you are enjoying the podcast, would you please take a minute to leave a rating and review? Pretty please with sugar on top and a cherry if you like ‘em? Thank you, thank you in advance! I seriously appreciate it more than you know!
Dad Hat Winners
Alright, let’s find out who the winners of the dad hats are! If you submitted a question for the podcast, your name was entered for a chance to win a dad hat. The two lucky winners are--can I get a drumroll please??-- Elise Pelot and Brooke Tabor. Hopefully I pronounced your names right! By the time this podcast airs, I will have reached out to you both already to go ahead and get those dad hats shipped your way. Woohoo! Enjoy, sisters!And don’t worry, there will be more giveaways where that came from! In the meantime, remember that you can take 10% off your purchase with code PODCAST10 at checkout.
Podcast Break Reminder
Okay- before we dive in to all of our awesome questions I’ve got one more thing to cover! Remember that after this episode I will be taking a two week break from the podcast to rest, regroup and pray over the future of the podcast. I will also be taking suggestions and interviewee recommendations throughout the week via Instagram Story, so stay tuned for that! The podcast will return on Wednesday, July 22 so don’t miss me too much and I’ll try not to miss you too much as well! Let’s get to those questions now. Michael, are you ready for this? Am I ready for this? Haha.
What are your thoughts on the sinner’s prayer?
I really like this question and have so many thoughts here. The first thing I want to say is that prayer is vital to the Christian life. Aside from God’s Word, it’s the only other form of communication we have with Him.But our prayers are not the source of assurance. And often, the sinner’s prayer is treated as a formula of conversion. The assurance we have is in the atoning sacrifice of Christ and Christ alone. Clinging to a prayer with hope-filled words will not save us. But clinging to Christ will. Romans 10:9-10 says, “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.”Consider some of the prayer-less conversions of the Bible. Like the thief on the cross in Luke 23:42: “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom”. Or the Philippian jailer that conversed with Paul and Silas in Acts 16:31: “Sirs, what must I do to be saved,” they didn’t say, “Repeat after me”; they simply said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved”. There you have it. Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved.So, to wrap it up, I believe it is biblical to confess your sins and ask for forgiveness and put trust, hope, and faith in Christ and his sacrifice on the cross. But I do not believe it is biblical to give someone assurance of salvation based on uttering words. Salvation is the work of God and God alone. That is not to say we cannot receive salvation during time in prayer with the Lord. God will do what He wants to do. But it is to say we cannot cling to prayer for it, but rather we must cling to Christ.I hope that is helpful!
Is surrogacy biblical?
This is a tough question. And to be completely honest with you, at first I did not want to answer it.Now, for those of you who disagree with my stance I want to encourage you to hear me out as I break down why I believe what I believe based on God’s Word.First, there is no direct address or commandment against surrogacy in the Bible. But the question of whether or not it is morally or ethically right certainly comes into play when considering God’s design to procreate through a man and a woman who are equally yoked in a marriage covenant. Genesis 1:28 says, “And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”To participate in surrogacy means to involve a third parent. So, to answer your question, no- I do not think it is biblical.This is a hard truth to bear when you have struggled for so long to have a child of your own and it just is not happening. When one of the only things you have desired in life is to be a parent to a child of your own flesh and blood. I have watched close friends and family walk this path and it’s been hard for me to witness. The thought alone of what it would be like for Michael and I to walk this path brings with it a weight I do not desire to bear.As Christians, we are not promised a life without struggle….we are not promised a life of ease. We know this truth, yet we don’t really know this truth until we experience the reality of it firsthand. And for many, the struggle of getting pregnant is part of the suffering we will face in this life.In addition to the emotional turmoil this causes, pursuing surrogacy causes financial turmoil for many. In the United States, surrogate mothers are paid around $20,000 or more for their assistance in carrying a child for a couple. That’s $3.00 per hour for each hour she is pregnant, based on a pregnancy of 266 days or 6,384 hours. Many believe this constitutes the sale of a child. Psalm 127:3 tells us that children are a gift from the Lord. Because of this, I do not think children are a commodity that can be bought and sold.With these things in mind, I would encourage you to seek wisdom to discern the root of your desire. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” We are called to glorify God in all that we do, and if pursuing the surrogacy route is your way of trying to get what you want, I urge you to reconsider. However, if you truly believe this is a way for you and your spouse to glorify Him together, then seek wisdom from those around you, remain steadfast in prayer and be incredibly intentional in how you define each involved person's role going forward.
How do you date well? In a way that is God-honoring?
This is a great question and I’ve got two words for you: set boundaries! I did a podcast episode a month or so ago on Biblical Dating 101. In it, I talk about the physical, emotional and spiritual golden rules of dating- what they are and how to set them. I believe it’s episode 14 and it’s also the longest episode I have done yet. Be sure to check it out. I hope it blesses you!
What is the best marriage advice you could give for the single ladies out there?
I’m not going to sugar coat this. Marriage is not as easy as you think. It is hard work. It constantly reminds me of how selfish I am and of the call to die to self. But it’s holy work, and one of the most beautifully humbling things I am honored to be a part of. Also- this is definitely a side note- but if you like the term happy wife, happy life, I urge you to reconsider. This statement rubs me the wrong way because it’s so completely self-centered. And oftentimes, unfortunately, if I am being completely honest with you, my actions and words toward Michael reflect this damaging statement. I don’t want to be a wife who only cares about herself and what Michael can give me. I want to be a wife who loves and serves him well as a result of keeping God first in my life, before my husband, and at the center of the heart of our marriage. Marriage is a call for both the man and woman to love one another as Christ loves us...to the best of our ability. Work takes place on both ends- individually and with one another. But when you keep Christ at the center, it will thrive in such beautiful ways!
Can the devil hear our thoughts?
I have wondered the same. I have also wondered why God doesn’t tell us more about demons than the few things we have in His Word. Because wouldn’t it be better for us to know those things so that we can better be on guard against them?Romans 16:19, God tells us “to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil” (Romans 16:19). Meaning, the best way to protect ourselves from evil is to be less occupied with educating ourselves about it and more occupied with pursuing the Father’s heart.Obviously, the devil holds some type of authority in this world, but he does not hold any authority over God’s children except for the authority we grant him by believing his lies.But here is what we also know thanks to James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (ESV). The more we come to know God, the more we remain rooted in His Word and the more we trust in and live in obedience to Him, the more dangerous we are to the enemy. Demons are real in this world and they delight in wreaking havoc, but they cannot touch us when our eyes are set on Christ and when we feast on the wisdom of God’s Word. James 2:19 assures us of this. It says, “You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder!” To some extent, yes I believe that Satan can read our minds. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing and we are constantly waging a war within it- right? But we have the authority in Christ to make Satan flee. So guard your minds, put on the spiritual armor of Christ and place your trust for wisdom and discernment in the hands and heart of no one but your Heavenly Father.
There’s this guy who’s caught my attention! We don’t know each other but he’s a friend of a friend of a friend. Since everything has moved online I’ve noticed him a lot more. He’s really involved in his church and sharing the gospel online. I would love to get to know him more but how do I do that without being creepy? Is it good and godly to DM someone?
My advice to you on this is to not overthink it. There is no special formula for starting a conversation with someone you might be interested in. Something I would do since you do not know him personally is to talk with someone who does to try and find out more about him. For example, not everyone shares on social media when they are seeing someone. If he is, you would probably rather find this out from someone else instead of him directly- right? Also, you know you are interested based off what you see, but that’s not the full picture. You want to know how he treats people in person and whether or not his life of social media is a reflection of the life he lives on a daily basis. So, if you can, ask someone who knows him what he is like in person. Once you get some inside scoop about this guy, and if you like what you hear and what you continue to see on his social media, why not direct message him- you know?Respond to one of his stories or refer to a recent post of his that encouraged you and use it to thank and encourage him for his digital ministry efforts. Then, see what happens.I just FaceTimed a dear friend of mine a few days ago who is currently talking to someone as a result of engaging with his Instagram story. It started a conversation that is still going and they are planning to spend time in person soon. I don’t tell you this to say the same outcome will happen, but to encourage you to give it a go and see what happens. Remember- don’t overthink it.
What are your thoughts on sex before marriage?
I think it is wrong. The Lord clearly created sex as a gift to be enjoyed in marriage between one man and one woman. If you have had sex before marriage and you are wanting to abstain from it. I encourage you to declare a secondary virginity and set some very realistic boundaries that will keep you from crossing the line. I believe I talk more about this in episode 12, which is my episode on biblical dating, but an example of realistic boundaries would be dating in public rather than spending time in private and entrusting someone to hold you accountable as you fight to abstain from sex until marriage. I hope that helps!
What is your advice on how to start or engage young children with the Word of God?
Here is a fun little fact for you- my minor in college was in children’s ministry. I worked in children’s ministry for several years and graduated with an out of state job as a children’s minister in Alabama before Michael proposed and brought me back home to sweet Tennessee. One of the best ways to start engaging children to be intentional in exposing them to His Word and prayer. Play songs of worship for your children to listen to often- whether in the car or as they fall asleep. Pray together every day. Read engaging stories that reflect the greatest story of all- in addition to God’s Word, the kids books by Kevin DeYoung and RC Sproul are awesome. Have your kids act out a story after you are done reading it together.Teach them important words and work on memorizing Scripture together. Use every opportunity you can to point them to Christ- to teach them what you know to be true. I am a part of the PCA and really love the catechisms we teach the children in our church family. Things like, “What did God make?” God made all things.If your child asks a question along the way about God that you cannot answer, be honest with them instead of making something up on the fly and say that you would love to explore that together. Then, make it a point to. What a beautiful and humbling way to reflect your relationship with Christ in showing your child that you are growing in it just like they are. Am I right or am I right?It’s not just about knowing the Word, Sis, it’s about living it out. So, again, use every opportunity you can to make His name known within the walls of your home.
How can I pray for my future husband?
The first and most important thing you should pray is for God’s will to be done. We may long for a spouse, but the truth is we are not guaranteed one. And it’s important to learn how to be content in this truth. Also, remember that prayer is ultimately for us. God doesn’t need it. It’s His gift to us. So it’s not like the more we pray about something, the more chances we have of convincing God to give us what we want. God’s ways are already set. We can’t change that- which is totally fine with me and it should be totally fine with you because only He knows what’s best for us. When you take your desires to the Lord in prayer, don’t do it in order to walk away with a greater sense of expectation. Do it to lay it at His feet in exchange for a greater trust in and dependency on Him. Do it to keep Him first, in all things at all times. Do it to give Him your heart.One of the first podcast episodes I did was on Cultivating a Heart of Delight and the reality of Psalm 37:4- Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desire of your heart. Episode 5. I encourage you to give it a listen and pray that it blesses you.All of that being said, here are some things that come to my mind as you pray for a husband!Pray that the Lord would prepare his heart and continue to grow him into the man God has called him to be.Pray for his leadership.Pray for his love for God and His Word to continue growing.Pray for the qualities you would like for him to embody. And I’m not talking about brown hair and blue eyes kind of qualities, I’m talking about “loves the church, hard-working, speech seasoned with salt” kind of qualities. Pray for the kind of person you want him to be.
Is baptism necessary for salvation?
This is a really great question, and something I could sit here and talk about with you for the next half hour or more. There are a ton of different views on this, but my personal belief is no. And yet at the same time, why wouldn’t you?To me, baptism is an outward sign of an inward change. Ephesians 2:8 tells us, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (ESV).Choosing to be baptized does not equate with choosing our salvation. God gifts us with our salvation- there is nothing we can do to earn it or get rid of it. And this is good news.1 Peter 3:21 makes it pretty clear for us. Peter says,“Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ…”The water does not do the saving. Again, it’s an outward sign of an inward change. A beautiful symbol of the faith work God has done in the heart.
This is serious. Ketchup on your eggs or salsa?
Hahaha. Neither! I have a love hate relationship with eggs...putting anything on them makes me want to run away for good! Currently, though, I am loving my eggs cooked in coconut oil and served alongside turkey bacon, gluten-free toast and grape tomatoes! Yummmm.
How do I practice discernment in decision making? I want to make decisions that honor God.
Always take it to the Lord in prayer. God won’t always give you a flashing light bulb kind of answer- in fact, He may never give you a clear answer. But I fully believe He will gift you the wisdom and discernment to help you pursue what will glorify Him the most. I also encourage you to seek counsel from those around you. This is one of the most rewarding things I have done in my decision making and it has been SO helpful. I just did an episode on Discerning the Will of God a few weeks ago. Episode 15- be sure to check it out! I hope it helps.
What are your thoughts on Abraham’s bosom found in the story of Lazarus in Luke 16?
Okay, first of all, what an interesting question. You definitely made me do my homework! The biggest takeaway I’ve got is that I think there’s a lot of meaning and mystery here. I am going to read Luke 16:22-23 before I go any further. My go-to translation, the English Standard Version, does not use the word bosom here, but rather “side”. So, I’ll be reading from the NKJV.“So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.” The word bosom here is confusing because today it’s often used to refer to a woman’s breasts. But when we take a look at the Greek word for it, kolpos, Abraham’s bosom actually equates to his side. The same goes for John 13:23, when John writes, “Now there was leaning on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.”We just read that Lazarus was carried by angels to Abraham’s bosom, and angels are generally mentioned in Scripture as being in God's presence. Since Lazarus was carried by angels to Abraham's side or bosom, perhaps this term, Abraham’s bosom, is a reference to going to heaven.When we take a look at all the different possibilities for what this means, some of them are just downright weird. And I really want to dive into all of the possibilities at hand, but that would turn into another podcast episode within this episode. So, to anyone listening, do your research!I have no idea what this actually means. Some people think this actually happened and that it wasn’t just a parable Christ told. Who even knows. But, like I said a minute ago, it is blended with meaning and mystery, and it’s quite interesting to consider all the possibilities.
Why does God not heal me from my OCD and anxiety?
First of all, I am so sorry you struggle with these things but know you are not alone. I struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, and I wish more than anything I could get past it. But God doesn’t wave a magic wand at our problems. Instead, He uses them for His glory and our good.Despite your mental health issues, you are fearfully and wonderfully made and He has numbered the hairs on your head. God’s love for you is so big that He sent Jesus to take a human body so he could pay the penalty for all of our sins by dying. We have to fix our eyes on what Jesus did for us and the resulting eternal life that we get to have, in order to remember that this world and all of its pain and problems is temporary. We’re just here to learn to love Him- even in the midst of the struggles we face. Only He can carry us through and sustain us.If you are anything like me, you have probably wondered why we cannot pray away our health problems. Now, that’s not to say that God never answers prayer or performs miraculous healing--because He certainly does, for His glory. But we cannot expect Him to move in the ways we want Him to. God does what God does and we have no say in that. But that does not mean we can’t trust Him.We live in a fallen, broken world inside fallen, broken bodies. And while we are here, we have the opportunity to take advantage of the gift of doctors and counselors and medications that He has provided for us to remain healthy. That is how He most often answers prayer: by giving us people to help us. His ways are not our ways and it’s hard to wrap our heads around that and not be disappointed when He doesn’t fix things that we think need fixing. But maybe He needs our brokenness to glorify Him by the people that help us and the people we help because we’ve been there and can come alongside them in love. Be thankful for your unique perspective because of your health issues and try not to see it as a burden, but instead look for ways to glorify Him in it.
We’re going abroad as missionaries but feel ill-equipped in ways to intentionally rest. Help!
Okay, so guilty confession. I felt like the best way to answer this question would be to ask one of my current writers, Bethany, because she and her husband are missionaries in the UK! As much as I can speak to rest, I cannot speak to being a missionary serving abroad, but Bethany definitely can. And let me tell you- her answer to this is a serious homerun. Here is what she had to say: "My response to the statement “we feel ill-equipped to intentionally rest” would be this: you are. We humans are really bad at resting. Period. That’s why scripture tells us that we have to do it. The Bible doesn’t just frivolously tell us things. God is giving us instruction because He knows otherwise we wouldn’t do it. And if God felt it important enough to rest Himself, then we should find it equally as important.But so often we don’t and I think that’s because we are so good at making idols of things or being martyrs to things like work. And I think that this is especially true when it comes to ministry- because we see the work we do as more than just regular work...because it’s God’s work. So, I would say the first step of being good at intentionally resting is recognizing that you’re not good at it but that it’s really important to become good at it. It’s a process.But there are really easy ways to be intentional about resting. One of the things my husband and I have always done is take our Sabbath every week. It doesn’t always happen on the same day because of teams visiting or events, but we take one every week and we designate that day to do no work. We’re very clear about this with our teammates and our bosses, because it’s important to be both obedient to scripture and to protect ourselves. So that would be my first suggestion. If you want to be intentional about rest, be intentional about your schedule and be protective of your time.Another thing I would say is that you need to rest intentionally in ways that will really give you rest. For us, if our week looks like being on our computers or on Skype calls or just doing logistical ministry work with technology, then we will probably rest from TV or our phones/computers to get a change of scenery. I think a lot of times we get this misconception that Sabbath or rest equates to being lazy and that’s just not true. Rest is nourishing to our soul into our relationship with God.Sometimes that looks like spending extra time in His Word recreationally and not as a part of your daily reading plan, or your schoolwork, or whatever it may be. It’s more so a desire to simply be with Him to find the rest, strength and refreshment you need.It is a really fun thing to be a missionary abroad. You are probably in a whole New World from what you’re used to, so you get to enjoy that!I think it’s so fun to be a tourist. Days of rest for my family often looks like going to a favorite place in the city or trying to find a new favorite place in the city. We take a lot of day trips, too! We do our best to be intentional about enjoying the place that we were called to. I think that if you only view the city you live in as your workplace and you don’t think of it as your home or a place for you to really enjoy and thrive, then you won’t do those things.So, basically, what I’m saying is that for all people--but especially missionaries living abroad--the best way to be intentional about getting into the rhythm of rest is to seriously just do it. If you are intentional and protective of your time, you will see the fruits of that. It’s when we become lazy and forgetful with our time or become martyrs to our work that we start to experience things like burn out or discontentment in the field, and sometimes even a lack of fruit. If we’re just laboring and laboring and we haven’t been refreshed by God then we’re really just starting to do work all on our own and not depending on Him. Rest leads to a true dependency on God because...an acknowledgement that He is the source of which your strength comes. One of the verses that’s really important to me is Psalm 127:1. It says, “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain” (ESV). When God created the earth, He intentionally rested. If we are not even taking time to intentionally rest, we’re doing this all in vain!To wrap it up, my encouragement to you, dear sister, is this: Trust that God is going to give you rest and that His rest is all that you need. It will refresh you. It will strengthen you. And it will give you the direction and the power to carry out this calling He has placed on your life!"Okay, I told you her answer was a homerun! I am going to start doing podcast interviews sometime soon and ya better believe Bethany and I are going to do an episode all about being a missionary. I’m so excited for it. And I bet her answer to your question got you excited for it, too, so stay tuned!
What are your favorite Christian books to read? Looking for some recommendations, please!
Honestly, anything by R.C. Sproul is phenomenal- books, commentaries, transcripts of past sermons. Seriously anything. I also really enjoy the writings of Matt and Lauren Chandler, Jen Wilkin and Nancy Guthrie. Nancy Guthrie’s studies are my favorite!Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff Essential Truths of the Christian Faith RC SproulA Visual Theology Guide to the Bible by Tim Challies and Joey Schwartz Every Moment Holy by Douglas McKinney Crossway is also a great resource to find biblically sound books.
Let's Wrap It Up
Alright sister, that’s all for this rapid-fire Q and A. Phew- I don’t know about you but I feel like my brain just ran a marathon! Special thanks to my sweet Michael for guiding me through. You’re the best, babe! I can’t wait to be back with you on Wednesday, July 22 for the start of season two. In the meantime, please be in prayer for my time of rest and preparation as I lean in to the heart of my Father and focus on His plans for the Daughter of Delight podcast.Thanks so much for being a part of the Daughter of Delight community and for supporting the podcast. Words cannot even express how grateful I am for your place here.I seriously cannot wait to kick off season two with you here in a few weeks! I have no doubt the Lord has good things in store for our time together. Talk soon, sis!
Meet Your Host
ELLE CARDEL
Elle is a 26-year-old southern gal whose heart is after Christ. She lives in a historic fixer-upper in Shelbyville, TN with her college sweetheart and hubby, Michael. She is on a mission to encourage and empower women across the globe with the life-giving, transformative truths found in God’s infallible Word.Elle believes that in order to truly know and enjoy life with the Father, we must live and breathe His Word. This belief is part of the story behind how Daughter of Delight came to be. If you would like to learn more about the DOD story, click here you can do so here!