ASK ELLE: How Do I Pray?
Hosanna Revival Prayer Journal
What Should We Pray For? by Desiring God
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My question is, How do you pray? I know it seems kinda silly to ask that. But when I do try, I catch myself repeating the same thing over and over. I struggle with beating myself up over how long I didn’t pray, if my prayer got through or not, or if I felt emotional or not. I’ve tried to research it and I read where the Bible said not to pray with vain repetition. Not sure if I know exactly what that means. Also, if I can’t be alone, I try to go off to myself to silently pray, I find it more beneficial when I pray out loud.
This is not a silly question one! You are not the first to struggle with prayer, and you certainly will not be the last.
Our prayer lives are reflective of how we view God.
As a child, I prayed the exact same prayer every single night. It went a little something like, “As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul would take.” I would wrap up my prayer by asking the Lord to bless my family, those who were homeless and to help me to sleep good.
I did this because it was the only thing I knew to do. Because during this time of my life, prayer was just the last thing of the day to check off the list. I won’t go into depth here, but I grew up with a legalistic approach to biblical theology. I obsessed over doing my best to make God happy with my every word and action because I was afraid of what He would do with me if I messed up.
Thanks be to God, I now live with the understanding that our faith is not works-based, but instead a marvelous gift from the Lord himself. It’s not something we could ever muster up on our own. Because of grace and grace alone, God delights in calling us His.
Another prayer trap that is easy to fall into is only going to the Lord in prayer when we really want something. As if, if we pray hard enough for it the Lord will give it to us. God is not our genie. As much as He desires and does indeed bless us, it will always be in alignment with His good, perfect and pleasing will– not the “this is what’s best for me” blueprint we’re so good at crafting for ourselves. The way things pan out will not always make sense to us, but in Christ, we can find true comfort and solace in the truth that God understands everything and nothing, no matter how painful and heart breaking it may be, is without His glorious purpose.
Let’s take a look at the verse you mentioned with reference to vain repetition. It’s found in Matthew 6, where Jesus gives us both right and wrong reason to pray. The specific passage is Matthew 6:5-7, which says,
5 “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.
As we look at verse 5, Jesus, speaking to his disciples, shines light on the wrong ways to pray. The hypocrites he refers to would likely pray on the street at the appointed times of prayer or at the synagogue during the time of public prayer. This method was rooted in the act of seeking attention from man and it was the only thing they got from it. This approach to prayer offers no heavenly award. Jesus strongly advised against it because it was an insult to God.
As we move into verse 6, Jesus, still speaking to his disciples, shines light on the right way to pray. That is, praying before the Lord in a secret, or private place. When we go to our secret place and pray, there is noone we are tempted to impress. Here’s a fun fact for you: The ancient Greek word for “room” that is used here refers to a storeroom where treasures were kept. The imagery here is that there are treasures waiting for us in our prayer closet. How amazing is that?
Now, let us consider verse 7: “And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words” (ESV).
Here is what this tell us. The right kind of prayer isn’t filled with fluff. That is, vain repetitions. This is prayer filled with all talk rather than being engaged with a full mind and heart. Charles Sprugeon once said,“Christians’ prayers are measured by weight, and not by length. Many of the most prevailing prayers have been as short as they were strong.”
SImply put, if vain repetition is our approach to prayer we are wasting our time. This type of prayer makes me think of the teacher from Charlie Brown, who is only ever heard with the “Blah blah blah” lingo. Our prayer lives should not sound like this. They should be nothing short of meaningful.
Now, does Jesus advise against public prayer? No. Certainly not. He goes on in Matthew 18:19-20 to say, “If two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them” (ESV). Praying together is good and beneficial for all, but only if done in the right way. And that’s the point Jesus is making here in Matthew 6; that our prayers should always be directed to God, not man.
In my own prayer life, I have learned that the more time I spend alone with God in prayer, the more I am able to present genuine prayers before Him in both, private and public.
One of the most impactful things that has impacted my prayer life is when I learned that prayer is not for God. It is for us.
CS Lewis once said, “I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God. It changes me.”
Prayer is our lifeline to our Father in Heaven! When Jesus died and the veil was torn, the atonement for our sins meant we were covered by the blood and worthy to go before the Father in prayer. What a gift worth rejoicing in! We need prayer not to ask God to consider changing His mind about something or to ensure He knows all the good we’ve been up to, but to instead humble ourselves in His sight and to be reminded of His great love for us despite the fact that we are sinful creatures; to be remind of the truth that we have been made new and are alive in Christ! We need prayer to repent. To ask for forgiveness. To give thanks. We owe God our every praise.
Prayer is worth the effort.
Finding the time and energy to pray may not come easy, but it is worth the effort it takes. Prayer changes us. Prayer helps us fight our spiritual battles. Prayer heals. Prayer is how we receive God’s supernatural help. Without His aid, we cannot live a life worthy of the gospel. Prayer is too important not to prioritize. It must be central to everything—absolutely everything—we do.
We could go on and on about the meaning, beauty and power of prayer. Truly, we could. But, I think this paints a simple picture of prayer and how we are to utilize the gift it offers.
To wrap up this question, I thought it would be good to share some ways to pray in addition to some tips to help you prioritize prayer.
1. Before you spend time in the Word, spend time asking God to open your eyes, ears, and heart to what He wants to teach you. As you pray, focus on shifting your heart into a posture of surrender that is also ready to receive what He has for you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
2. This one is for all my type-a sisters out there. Write it down. Instead of trying to remember everything, create categorical lists of the things and people you have committed to praying for each week. If you’ve got pages of things to pray for and are feeling overwhelmed, devote each category to a day of the week and commit to praying for everyone and everything within each specific category on the days you’ve set aside for them. As prayers are answered, be sure to cross them off the list. That way, when you look through your journal, you can reflect and rejoice in all God has done.
3. When you tell someone you will pray for them, actually do it. Surely I am not the only one who has struggled with this.
4. Prayer doesn’t have to be done one single way. We have plenty of options! Repent, pray the Scriptures, offer prayers of thanksgiving, pray that you would grow in your understanding of who God is, pray for your family, pray for those in your life who do not know the Lord, pray for God’s will to be done in your life. There is a really great article from Desiring God ministries that walks you through an incredible amount of things to pray for. Check it out in the shownotes below!
5. Make prayer your first response. When you feel helpless regarding a certain situation, pray over it. When you see a first responder, pray. When a friend reaches out to you and is having a hard time with something, pray with/for them.
6. Pray in the shower and the car. Let's be honest- sometimes the only alone time we get is in the car to/from work or in the shower. Let’s use this time to our advantage! One of my favorite things to do is play and pray the lyrics of my favorite worship songs as blessings over my family and friends.
I pray these things bless you and deepen your desire to live in prayer with our Creator!