EP 70: How to Find a Good Local Church
Hello, hello! Happy Wednesday and welcome back to another episode of The Daughter of Delight Podcast. Whether it’s your first time tuning in or you’re a frequent listener, I’m so grateful and glad you are here!
In one of my most recent emails, I shared that my husband Michael and I have been on the hunt for a new church family. I got several responses from women in the same place and I felt like a discussion on this–how to find a new church body to be part of–would be good. So, I am going to be doing that by sharing about our experience in hopes that it helps those who find themselves in a similar place. Perhaps this isn’t you but you know someone who is there now. I pray this episode is helpful in equipping you to more fully understand and therefore support whoever that might be. If you enjoy this episode, I would love for you to consider sharing it with anyone that may come to mind, as well.
I want to preface this episode by saying just how much Michael and I love our church family deeply and deciding to leave was not easy. Michael was raised in this specific church and introduced me to the amazing family there. We have been attending as a family ever since we married in November of 2016. It was filled with hard conversations, tears, and an eagerness to figure out how we could make it work, to say the least. But after spending an entire summer in study and prayer, the Lord covered us in a peace that helped us to look past our feelings and recognize He was leading us elsewhere. And leaving would be the best thing to do to honor that call. To honor Him.
Michael and I are reformed in our theology and attended a PCA. That is, the Presbyterian Church of America. For years, we have discussed how the PCA views infant baptism. I was not raised with a reformed theology. And although God ultimately led me into the beautiful, reformed way of thinking, it was hard for me to understand the meaning of infant baptism. As it turns out, I soon discovered Michael felt the same way. And although we have discussed it on and off for several years, we didn’t have Selah, our daughter, until last November. Once she recovered from her heart surgeries at around 4 months of age and we were consistently home and able to start going to church again, we realized it was time to do more than simply ponder infant baptism in conversation with one another and begin to really study it. So, that’s what we did last summer. We took our time meeting with our pastor, an elder and his wife, and sharing our experience with those we love and trust to encourage us in a biblical way.
I can remember Michael looking at me and saying, “I just want to know the truth. I don’t care if I’m wrong. I just want the truth.” And we worked hard to find the truth. We studied, we discussed, we prayed. A lot. But the peace we longed for was not something we were experiencing when considering if we should just say. It would have been the easier thing to do, but it would not have been the right thing to do. Our pastor encouraged us in that seeking out a new church home was, indeed, probably best for us.
The main reason we left was because Michael would not have been able to serve as an elder of our church unless he stood in agreement with the PCA’s view of infant baptism. Serving as an elder was something Michael had a desire for and a role many men within our church family desired from him. But the opportunity would not have been there, and that was a big deal for us.
We are so very thankful for the ways our church body longs to remain rooted in sound doctrine and honor the Lord in all they do. To that, we are so very thankful for the ways in which they encouraged us to do the exact same. This is why, at the end of our time studying, discussing and praying, Michael and I decided the best thing for our family would be to join a new community. And thus, our search for a new church began.
I was really, really nervous about this because of the two years’ worth of church hopping my family endured during my middle school years. Not only were Michael and I about to embark on the hunt for a new church, but we also have a toddler with multiple congenital heart defects to think about as we do so. And there was no way this mama was going to put her child in the nursery without really knowing the people in there and speaking with them about her special needs.
One of the first things Michael and I did was research local churches in our area. Because we are reformed in our way of thinking, we thought we would try out a reformed baptist church. Reformed baptists do not hold to the same view of infant baptism that presbyterians do. Otherwise, all the other views remain the same.
We live in one of the most sought out cities to live in for families within the US, but, for some reason, had a really hard time finding this. Nondenominational churches, however, are everywhere. Nearly on every corner. So, after struggling to find a reformed baptist church, we began to visit some nondenominational churches we found online. We knew we wanted an exegetical style approach to preaching, and although some of them appeared to be that way online based on their websites, that was not always the case.
Thanks to my brother and his wife, we were introduced to a nondenominational church that deeply valued exegetical, or verse-by-verse, preaching. We initially checked out this church by listening to some sermons online. But please hear me when I say I do not believe we are to attend church at home. Unless there is simply no other option, I believe Christians are called to worship in unisom rather than at home. Is attending virtual church easier? Absolutely, it is. It also protects us from getting hurt by people we get close with. But we are not autonomous. Christianity is not meant to be life alone but life together. Scripture’s command to gather with one another is not meant to be a heavy burden. It’s meant to lighten the load. Christ-centered community is us for the good of our faith, our love, and our joy. Live streaming a church service does not provide us with what God desires for us to experience, enjoy and embrace in person with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
That being said, I think listening to a handful of sermons from a church you are interested in visiting is a good idea. Not only will it give you an idea of the service structure and style of preaching but it will prevent you from standing up and walking out in the middle of the service, having realized it is not at all what you’re looking for.
Once we listened to the sermons, we decided to visit. And that, we did. Michael and I decided to have someone watch Selah while we visited because we wanted to be fully present of the service in order to have a better idea of whether or not it was somewhere we wanted to continue visiting. After a few visits, we determined it checked off a lot of the boxes we were looking for (exegesis, community involvement, men and women’s ministries, etc.) but it was not what we were looking for. So, we pressed on.
Something I thought to do was check out the local mom’s group on Facebook. I searched for the word “church” and saw where others had asked for churches in the area to visit. I am SO glad I did this, because it is the very place I discovered the current church we are now visiting. It’s a reformed baptist church.
We explored this particular church’s website, their social media, and checked out some of the sermons online. We soon found ourselves eager to visit. When we visited for the first time, the first thing Michael said when we got in the car to head home was, “I don’t know about you, but this is the first time I have felt peace and excitement since we started visiting churches. This might just be what we’ve been praying for.” And I felt the exact same way. We are currently signed up to take a class that will walk us through the structure of the church and answer any questions we have as we prayerfully consider placing membership.
Although we are not officially members of a new church body, we are working to get there, and we are very thankful for the ways God has and continues to be so very gracious and kind in helping us navigate this particular season.
If you are looking for a new place to call home, here are some things that I would personally recommend you do and look for.
First, prayerfully consider if leaving your church body is the right thing to do. Meet with your pastor, a mentor, and anyone that you believe will be a faithful and biblical source of wisdom to your decision. A great Scripture to pray is Psalm 2:4-9.
If you come to the conclusion that leaving is what’s best for you, get clear on your convictions so that you can be especially mindful of them and where you stand on matters as you prepare your heart to visit new church bodies.
Search the web! I just recently discovered that The Gospel Coalition has an online church directory. All you have to do is type in your zip code or city and it’ll provide you with a list of churches in your area. This is a great place to start, so I’ll be sure to link it in the show notes! From there, explore the website and give some sermons a listen. This is extremely helpful to determine whether or not a church is worth visiting. Many churches nowadays are utilizing the opportunity to share their sermons online via their website, Youtube page, or their podcast. Like I said earlier, a Google search didn’t help me find what I was looking for but a local mom’s group sure did!
First and foremost, look for a mission-minded church. This mission should reflect the heart of God and the glorious Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ! Matthew 28:18-20 says, “And Jesus came and said to them,’All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.’” Seek out a church body filled with people who desire to equip, excite and charge you to go and make disciples.
Next up, I urge you to prioritize a commitment to expository teaching. What I mean by this is that the content and meaning of the Bible passage shapes the content and meaning of the message preached. Not the other way around. I don’t know about you, but I love being able to witness a pastor leading his flock in a way that says, “My wisdom comes from God through His Word.” I love to follow the narrative of Scripture, acknowledge and wrestle with the hard parts instead of ignoring them, and care more about God’s truth than my feelings. Even more, I love to do this with my church body!
Third, look for a church that is committed to discipleship and church discipline. We are not simply meant to gather together one day a week to sing praise and give thanks to God. We are to be committed to Christ through faith and repentance. We are to be present with one another in such a way that demonstrates a mutual desire for spiritual growth and life together. We are to know each other’s names, families, and burdens. We are to serve our local communities alongside each other. And we are to value church discipline in such a bold and love-driven way that says, “I love and care enough to restore you to Christ and His people, even if that means utilizing biblical discipline designed to help lead your wandering heart Home. I love our friendship but I care most about your soul.”
In addition, here are five doctrinal beliefs and some questions to help test the teaching and thus determine if a certain church body is a good fit.
Salvation by faith alone and in Christ alone – Do the teachings here encourage me to trust in anything else other than Christ alone for righteousness?
The Trinitarian view of God – Do the teachings here distort the doctrines of either (a) the Trinity or (b) the unity of the Godhead?
The Word of God – Do the teachings here distort Scripture in such a way that it undermines biblical authority?
The person of Christ – Do the teachings here affirm something that contradicts the divinity and humanity of Christ?
The Holy Spirit – Do the teachings here affirm something about the Person or work of the Holy Spirit that is false and contradictory to His nature?
Additional questions to ask yourself:
Am I attending a church where sound doctrine matters?
Does the leadership of this church embody the call of 1 Peter 5:2-4, which says, “Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you”? (ESV)
Have I noticed a spirit of greed for money and material gain?
Is the preacher in love with the glory of God in the Gospel?
Is there a system of accountability for leadership present within this body?
Is the Gospel of Jesus Christ faithfully taught?
Could I serve alongside this church?
Do the sermons point me to my need for Christ or myself?
Precious sister, as you prayerfully consider and/or embark on the journey of finding a new church body, I pray you would experience the love and care of our faithful Father every step of the way. Remain steadfast in prayer and hold tight to the promise of Psalm 25:9, which tells us, “He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way” (ESV). As you faithfully seek His provision, you can trust He will lead you exactly where you need to be. And thanks be to God for that.
Thank you for tuning in to today’s episode! I am so glad you gave it a listen and pray that the Lord used it to bless you and delight all the more in Him. If you enjoyed it, would you consider partnering with me to help others discover the show by rating and reviewing it? It would mean so much! If you would like more encouragement, be sure to sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter and check out the resources on the Daughter of Delight website! You can find the links to these resources in the show notes.
I’m eager to be back with you next Tuesday for Ask Elle, where I will be sharing my thoughts on the very popular series, The Chosen. I hope you will tune in!
Have a blessed week and I will be back with you real soon!