Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week twelve of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
Living a daily Christian life, do you have any advice for a woman who is addicted to porn & how to get away from it?
Sister, I am so sorry to know you are struggling with this. But the fact that you’re struggling is a step in the right direction. We have answered this question already here. I would just add to start your day with prayer and pray when you are tempted to give in so that you can fix your eyes on Jesus and remember how he wants us to shine his light. There is no light in that dark world.
I've been so bogged down lately, & just completely worn out... How can I get a fresh start? How do I hit the reset button?
Sometimes it helps to hit the reset button physically. Challenge yourself to do a 21-day cleanse diet. Cut out ALL sugar, gluten, processed foods, fried foods, alcohol, caffeine (this you can wean off, but don’t substitute decaf because it’s processed), and absolutely NO artificial sweeteners. (You can use raw honey.) Only eat fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meats. Drink lots of water. Also during this time, take a few detox baths with Epsom salts. Get all those processed chemicals out of your system. It will radically change your energy levels and ability to sleep. When you finish the 21 days, you will find that your body no longer craves, and in fact, will react negatively to all of those things. Spiritually, see if you can find a retreat to go to, or begin a new Bible study. If you can’t find one convenient for you, check out Jen Wilkin’s website. There are several Bible studies you can download that have accompanying podcasts. Don’t skip her podcast about her approach to Bible study. It can give you a fresh start in the way you look at Bible study overall.
What is the best way to handle a friendship with a male when I am someone whose emotions & thoughts so easily go to where they shouldn’t?
It’s good to acknowledge your weakness in this area. I would encourage you to remember that, and make sure that your meetings with him include others--no one-on-one, no intimate places, no romantic restaurants, no watching romantic movies together. Ask friends to hold you accountable. Tell them to stop you if you start to fantasize about a romance with him. Ask God to help you be content with His timing as He prepares the heart of the one He will raise up to love you someday.
How do I heal after having an abortion?
My sweet sister, I’m so sorry for your loss. You must keep telling yourself that there is no sin that our dear Savior didn’t pay for on the cross. Ask forgiveness and take hold of that forgiveness in Jesus’ name. Then begin the work of forgiving yourself and allowing yourself to grieve. It is a process and it takes time. It will probably never stop hurting. But the pain will lessen with time. I encourage you to call a pregnancy support center and see if they have a post-abortion support group where you can be with others who are going through the same thing.
How do I seek God without distraction?
When you figure that out, I hope you’ll write a book for all of us to learn the secret! (Actually, there is a great book on this topic: Having a Mary heart In A Martha World by Joanna Weaver.) Distractions are a problem for everyone. This world is full of them. Not all of them are bad. The people we love, and church commitments are good distractions. But they are not what is most important. Remember the story of Martha and Mary? Martha was busy rushing around trying to make everything perfect for her guests--especially Jesus-- and her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet. Martha complained that Mary wasn’t helping her, but Jesus said Mary was doing what was important. (Luke 10:38-42) There’s the secret: remember what is important. Like when Peter steps out on the crashing waves to walk on the water to Jesus, it’s only when he gets frightened and takes his eyes off Jesus that he starts to sink. (Matt. 14:22-33) When we fix our eyes on Jesus, the distractions fall away. It’s like putting blinders on. The problems and distractions are still there, but our perspective changes. Practically, you can start your day with prayer, you can set aside time for Bible study, you can attend church where the Gospel is preached weekly, and you can meet with others to pray. Because short of living in a monastery, there will be distractions. The only realistic way to combat them is to fix your eyes on Jesus, over and over again.
I have a friend that has become too clingy as of lately. What should I do?
I think the most important thing that you should do is pray for her. Try not to push her away. When someone is clingy, they are insecure. What is causing that insecurity? Right now, you are providing an anchor for her. Try to find a way to point her to Jesus. He should be her true anchor. He can help her with her insecurities by helping her see that she is loved and she is worthy to be loved. But if you need your space, be kind about setting some boundaries. Explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable when she crosses those boundaries. Speak the truth in love as you would want to be spoken to.