Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week sixteen of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
Why is it against God’s will to be in a romantic relationship with unbelievers? What if the other person is on the verge of accepting Jesus?
God wants what is best for you and an unbeliever is going to pull you away from Him and into the world. That’s not what’s best. All marriage relationships should have Christ at the center. When they don’t, we put ourselves or even the other person at the center and we end up with a broken heart. It is only when we fix our eyes on eternal things that we can love each other well. We can be more forgiving, because we’ve been forgiven. We can speak with kindness, because we have no cause to be self-righteous. That being said, who knows if your faith example might be the thing that softens your boyfriend’s heart toward seeking the truth? As long as you don’t marry an unbeliever and as long as you don’t allow him to pull you away from your relationship with God, there is no harm in dating an unbeliever in the hope that the Holy Spirit may soon change his heart.
Is sex before marriage really bad? I feel like saving sex for marriage can cause relationships to move too quickly. I was really hurt in an almost engagement with a believer because of this & now I am unsure if dating in such a serious way is truly healthy. Isn’t it better to take your time & be less serious even if sex happens?
I’m confused by the idea that the relationship that you’re “taking slow” would be “less serious” if sex happens. Having sex takes a relationship to the next level and makes it a lot more serious, which is why God is very clear that He wants us to save it for marriage. It is important that you don’t rush into marriage just to have sex. Sex should never be the foundation of your relationship. Sex is a gift that enhances your relationship. When you have an orgasm, your brain releases chemicals that allow you to bond with your sexual partner. God made it so that sex strengthens your marriage. Isn’t that amazing? And knowing someone so intimately is also best saved for marriage. Do you really want memories of other sexual relationships invading your marriage bed? That being said, there needs to be chemistry. If it’s not difficult to wait, then there may be problems later. But the Bible definitely calls any sex outside of marriage sin. So, yes, it’s bad to engage in any sinful behavior. We all sin all the time in other ways and God is good to forgive us when we repent. But don’t kid yourself that it’s not sin because you had an experience that makes you think it would be easier to give in and live by the world’s lies.
I’m struggling with not obsessing over my weight & how I look. I have health problems which make it hard to workout so I feel like I’m in this awful loop. How do I switch my view of myself & remember how God sees me?
Who you are inside is way more important than what you look like on the outside. God sees your heart. So, first take the time to focus on Him and your relationship with Him. Spend time in prayer, thanking Him for all your blessings, asking for forgiveness for your sins, and then laying your pain at His feet. Join a Bible study group so that you will need to hold yourself accountable to read and study His Word. Once your focus is in the right place, then set some realistic goals for weight loss. Your body needs to be healthy for you to fully realize your potential as a child of God. Make that awful loop spiral in a positive direction. Maybe working out is not part of that equation until you’ve lost some weight. Begin a healthy diet. Challenge yourself to stop eating processed foods. (If you don’t recognize/can’t read the ingredients or it has more than five ingredients, pass.) Eat only fresh/frozen fruits and vegetables. Avoid anything with processed sugar. (Labels that list fructose, sucrose, sucralose, etc. all bad for you.) Cut back on gluten--especially bread. Drink lots of water. Don’t eat or drink “diet” anything because artificial sweeteners are harmful chemicals that trick your body into storing fat. And watch your portion sizes. Never eat until you’re so full it hurts. Allow yourself healthy snacks like raw veggies any time you’re hungry. Don’t expect to see results overnight. Positive changes like these will make positive changes to your relationship with God and your relationship with food. And they will hopefully give you a beautiful self image, knowing that you are a child of the one true King--claim it!
Do you have any advice or scriptural encouragement for someone struggling with anxiety related to past sin & feeling like they must do something to “fix it” before being worthy of God’s grace?
I’m so sorry that you are feeling that ache to restore your relationship with God. As long as you have repented and not returned to the sin, you are forgiven. Christ paid the price. “It is finished!” Take this season of life to draw closer to Him in thankfulness. What a great God we serve that in His compassion “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12, NIV) The Scripture that comes to mind that might bring you some encouragement is Lamentations 3:19-24, the NIV version. That’s the one I turn to when my heart aches with guilt. It reminds me that my sadness, my sin, and my guilt will not consume me. Our God is bigger than that.
How do you have an intimate father daughter relationship with God?( I struggle with how a relationship with God looks like because I don’t have one with my earthly father... )
Our earthly fathers are supposed to model our Heavenly Father, but that’s a tall order, and unbelieving fathers can’t even begin to do that. Imagine the kind of love required to lay down your life for someone else. That’s the kind of love God has for you. Start there. Build your relationship on that foundation. Open your heart to Him through prayer and thanksgiving. Study His word. Everything about the Bible, every single account, points to Christ. He is the Word. There you will get a true picture of our Heavenly Father and His great love for us. A price had to be paid for our sin, and that price was death. So, He sent a part of Himself down to take a pitiful human form just so he would be able to die and then defeat death by rising again and giving us the promise of eternal life. Embrace the joy of that, and fix your eyes on the One who reigns in heaven and loves you better than even the best earthly father could.
Gaming is my passion & a part of who I am. Is God okay with that?
God gives us passions and gifts to use for His glory. Is that what you’re doing with your gaming passion? Or has it become an addiction or obsession that pulls you away from your relationship with God and with others? God’s not okay with that. Here are some questions to ask yourself to figure that out: Are you being a light to the people you play with that don’t know the Lord? (Or do you spew foul language when you get angry in the game?) Are you still attending worship, and studying your Bible? (Or do you skip church for tournaments and skip Bible study for more playing time?) Is your gaming supporting you financially? (Or is it taking you away from interest in a career and causing you to be a financial burden to your family?) And finally: Have you put gaming first in your heart? If so, gaming has become an idol. It’s so easy to make idols of the things we love in this world. This world is full of wonderful things that God gave us to enjoy. (In moderation.) But this world is temporary. Our true joy should come from our relationship with Him.