Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week twenty-three of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
I’ve been struggling since I was in my late teens with sexually immoral thought patterns. I’ve seen breakthroughs in breaking this stronghold before, but it seems to reoccur. How do I stay motivated in believing God’s promises for my life & ultimately breaking this stronghold?
Since sexual immorality is pushed in our faces at every turn, it’s almost impossible to live in this world and not have sexually immoral thoughts. The trick is acknowledging that it’s immoral and not following through with the sexually immoral behavior. Yes, God knows your every thought before you have it, and He considers even our thoughts to be sinful. That’s why we are called to confess our sin daily. It takes time to break a stronghold. God knows that you’re trying. He knows your heart. The most practical way to stay motivated to rest in God’s promises is to stay in His word. Memorize Scripture. (Like Philippians 4:8, Isaiah 41:10, 2 Tim. 1:7, 2 Thess. 3:3, 2 Peter 1:3-11) Pray when you’re tempted. But also, avoid TV and movies and books full of sexually immoral behavior. And remember why you were chosen: to love God and glorify Him in all that you
I struggle with becoming motivated to read the Bible & find the true context & meaning behind Scripture. What is the best way to find motivation for reading the Bible, finding comfort & meaning?
I am right there with you. I think a lot of people are. I love reading fiction, but I struggle with reading the Bible. This world is very entertaining and it’s hard to find the motivation to read and study anything when we are tired and just want to relax--especially when we’re working full time.One way I motivate myself, is by asking myself, “Why am I here?” (Or the catechism question: What is the chief end of man?) The answer is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. And that’s the thing. Do I enjoy Him? Do I find my joy in Him? Do I find my rest in Him? Or do I plop down on the couch and binge watch a series? Can I do both? I think so. I think there can be balance. (As long as what you’re watching is not full of sex and violence.) But what do I prioritize and what truly brings me rest? That has to be the Word of God.One thing I’ve started doing is memorizing Scripture. I can go over it in my head when I’m driving or washing dishes or whatever. I take it in very small pieces and it takes me forever, but it keeps my eyes fixed on Jesus--which reminds me of the joy I have in my salvation.For reading the Bible, the best motivation for me is Bible study. Either joining a class or downloading something and doing it on my own. (Jen Wilken has some great free studies to download under “resources” with accompanying podcasts that are short and engaging.) Classes are better because they hold you accountable to do the work. If I’m doing it on my own, I HAVE to schedule it.You also should choose something that really resonates with you so that you look forward to it. I love Nancy Guthrie’s Seeing Jesus In The Old Testament series. She blew me away with all of the parallels and symbolism that I’d never noticed. And the “homework” is divided into days. I also recently found a great resource called monergism.com that lets you search for sermons and commentary by verse, topic or author. I use that when I’m struggling to understand or want a deeper understanding of a passage.If you don’t have access to a Bible study, start one. Have two or three friends join you. Meet weekly and don’t worry about having a leader, just go over your questions together. If there are some that you all struggled with or that brought up more questions, bring them to your pastor--don’t say you don’t have time, send him an email. I bet you’ll find that when the study is over, you will miss it and be anxious to start a new one.
I love GOD, but more so I know how much HE loves me. Is it wrong/weird if I do not know how to receive or embrace HIS love? No matter how much I try, it just feels like too much for me!
It is too much for us to wrap our minds around. His love is more than we can ever comprehend. Scripture even says it surpasses knowledge. (Read Ephesians 3:14-19) Don’t let that break your heart because you feel undeserving. None of us are deserving. Let it fill you with joy. He loved you so much that he took your punishment, and now you get to live eternally. If we could love Him like we should, how could we stop from shouting that from rooftops? All we can do, is give Him a life well-lived where we strive to glorify Him in all we do.
I’m struggling with the idea that God punishes us. If He really does punish us, then I feel like that destroys the idea that He is good always. Also, why does He “choose” to bless people like me & not “choose” to bless children suffering across the world? It makes Him sound like he’s the keeper of good and evil and that He is in control of how our world works, in all of its sinful nature.
God does NOT punish us. There is no evil in Him. God cannot abide evil or unholiness and we are not holy. We are sinful and prone to evil. So, He gave us a way to pay for our sins--in Old Testament times that was through sacrifices and then He gave us Jesus, who took the “punishment” for our sins so that we can enter His presence when we die. When bad things happen, that is not punishment from God. We live in a sinful, broken world and bad things happen. Sometimes those bad things are consequences from our sin or someone else’s. Sometimes there are earthquakes or tornadoes or other natural disasters, which are a part of God’s creation, but just like weeds, they came about because of the Fall.God uses situations in our lives to turn our hearts toward Him. Sometimes the process of making us more like Christ--called sanctification--that begins the minute we accept Christ as our Savior, involves painful learning experiences. God works all things for good for those who love Him. And we are blessed (or not) by the circumstances of our birthplace or our parents. God is not causing suffering in other parts of the world. He loves all of us. So, why does he allow suffering? Because we were given free will. And part of that is the choice to choose Him and not this world so that when Christ returns and brings Heaven to Earth, there will be no more suffering or death or tears. God has a plan and nothing will stop it. We can’t see it or understand it but that doesn’t mean He isn’t working toward that. So, we must fix our eyes on Jesus--not the circumstances of this world. And we must let God use us to be His hands and feet and go and help those in need whenever we can.
A sister in Christ has found direction from unGodly counsel & self-help books. It is beginning to create hardships within her marriage, her immediate family & other relationships throughout the family. How can I best love her & support her when she has created barriers between her & the people she loves, & has withdrawn herself from the family?
The father of lies is clever and crafty and knows what strings to pull in us to blind us to the truth. If you can, invite her to coffee and ask her about her new beliefs. Ask her if she has found Scripture that backs up these new beliefs. Ask her if you can share some Scripture that contradicts what she just told you so that she can explain how it doesn’t. Do not do this in a way that puts her on the defensive. You want to do it in a way that makes her question it. You might even ask if you can get back to her with the Scripture references in an email so that she can have time to research how to refute it. She will certainly try. If she digs her heels in, you have to drop it. Circle back another time. All you can do is take every opportunity to point her to the truth. God is mighty to save, but she won’t find Him until she seeks Him. And she may have to hit rock bottom before that happens. She certainly will have to see and admit to the sin of following the lies. If the lies are feeding her ego, that may take a while. Love of self is a sin we all struggle with so remember that when you’re struggling to love her through this.
We are taught that it is not okay for a woman & a woman to love each other or a man & a man. But I see same-sex marriages adopting kids who would otherwise get lost in the system. I don’t know how to reconcile that.
Who says they would not otherwise get adopted? And is that really the best solution for them to be in an environment where they have no Biblical example of marriage? Is it better than a group home or foster home where they feel unwanted? Of course! But that doesn’t make homosexual marriage okay in God’s eyes. God’s grace extends to all people in this world whether living in unrepentant sin or not. They may have a great life in this world. A lot of non-believers do. But that’s all they get--this world. Their unbelief bars them from eternal life. We have explored why same-sex attraction is not what God wants for us here.