Daughter Dilemmas
Welcome to week five of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.
What does Scripture say about close male-female friendships?
I don’t think Scripture speaks to that specifically. I don’t think there is ever anything wrong with friendship. The only time it can be sinful to have a super-close best friend of the opposite sex is if the relationship becomes an idol in your life or you are married to someone else. If the relationship comes before your relationship with God, it could be an idol. If you are married or contemplating marriage to someone else that person should be your number one, best friend before all others. If neither of those things apply to you, then I don’t see anything wrong with it. Male-female friendships are often difficult to manage without some romantic feelings slipping in. Be sure you both guard your heart by having honest conversations so neither of you end up with a broken heart.
As a new Christian, how do I talk about God and pray aloud without feeling both weird and unqualified?
Everyone feels weird and unqualified at first. It’s one of those things that takes time and practice. If you remember that God knows your heart and he knows every thought you have and every word you speak before you speak it, then that takes the pressure off. Ask God specifically to give you the right words when you talk about Him to others and that He would guard your tongue against any false teaching. Only the Holy Spirit can open someone’s ears to hear the truth of the Gospel, so pray that the Holy Spirit uses you to speak truth. When praying out loud, start small. Jesus gave us the example of the Lord’s prayer and it follows the acronym someone came up with P.R.A.Y. P=Praise Him first for all of your blessings. R=Repent of your sin. A=Ask for what you need. Tell Him all the burdens of your heart. Lift up those who need your prayers. Y=Yield. Let it go. You gave it to Him to deal with as He sees fit. Yield to His power and infinite knowledge, love and mercy.He may not answer your prayer in the way that you want. He may not answer it in the time frame that you need. But His timing is perfect and He always knows what we need to go through in order to love Him more fully and that’s His ultimate goal. Never be embarrassed to speak from your heart. Your brothers and sisters in Christ were once new to the faith too. They know how awkward it feels and won’t judge you for it.
Can Christians drink?
It is my understanding that drinking is not the sin we are cautioned against in Scripture. Getting drunk is the sin. Over-indulging in anything is sinful. It’s gluttony. But when we overindulge in alcohol or other drugs, we are likely to end up behaving in a way that doesn’t glorify God. Since we are not great at policing ourselves, some churches forbid drinking. I believe if we have accepted Christ as our Savior then our salvation is sure. It isn’t dependent on our behavior. But, if our hearts have been changed by the Holy Spirit, then we want to glorify God in all we do. And if we are called to live a life that shines His light in the dark places, we wouldn’t want to over-indulge and end up doing something we regret.
How do I know if a man is the one for me? How do I know if he is truly sent from God or if the enemy is playing tricks on me?
First of all, it is not true that there is only one person out there for you. Secondly, you know he is truly sent from God if he is a Godly man. If he is a believer then the enemy has no part in it. Whether or not he is “the one” is no mystery. He’s “the one” if you can’t imagine your life without him, if you know his flaws and don’t care, if you know you long to wake up to his face every morning--bad breath and all, if he’s the first person you want to tell your good news to and the last voice you want to hear before you go to sleep. He is “the one” if you are physically attracted to him, but if you had to take sex off the table, you’d still want to be with him. Doubt is from the enemy. Being so self-focused that we are asking the question, “Will he make me happy?” instead of, “How can I make him happy?” is from the enemy. Finding fault because of our own self-righteousness not because of his truly unrighteous behavior--that is from the enemy. Love is a choice that you make every day. And love puts the other person first. That being said, it’s reciprocal. You are not meant to put the other person first at your own expense. Because if that person loves you well enough to be your husband, then he will put you first too--not always, not perfectly. We are human. We fail each other. We are selfish. But marriage is about trying to love like that. We can only do that if we fix our eyes on Jesus who reminds us what true humility and righteousness look like.