Daughter Dilemmas

Welcome to week twenty-five of Daughter Dilemmas, a weekly ask column devoted to exploring hard questions, together!Asking the hard questions, the messy questions and the just plain awkward questions is important. We should not disqualify them simply because of the discomfort they bring.Finding the courage to ask honest, hard questions enables us to see that others are asking the exact same thing. It spurs (much needed) conversation and allows us to consider perspectives we may not have otherwise considered.*Please note: We are not therapists, doctors or life coaches. Our answers are not intended to give you an instant fix, but instead to point you to Jesus Christ, our Savior. Our response to each of the questions below are rooted in what we believe to be true according to our understanding of the Gospel, as well as what we believe God has laid on our hearts to share after prayerful consideration. More than anything, it is our prayer that this ask column glorifies God and blesses His people! May it encourage you in your walk with Christ and enable you to see just how much of a good thing asking hard questions can be. May it lead you into His loving embrace.To submit a question anonymously, click here.

If all the relationships we have ever experienced have not been good (parents to friends), do you think it affects our relationship with God?

The question is...Do you think it has affected your relationship with God? Certainly our parents are supposed to exemplify God’s love in the way they love us. Our friendships and relationships are too--to some extent. So, if, because of unhealthy or bad relationships in your life, you find that it’s hard for you to trust God, then these bad relationships have affected you. But you’re a step closer to God than most people who aren’t even questioning. Being aware of the problem is half the battle. What you need to focus on is that God is not human. He is not sinful, or selfish. He is love. Take 1 Cor. 13:4-7 and substitute “God” for love. Then do it again substituting your own name. I don’t know about you, but I’m not patient or selfless. I boast. I envy. I’m easily angered and sometimes I hold a grudge. That’s why we need a Savior. We can’t love others as much as we love ourselves. We can’t love God with all of our heart and soul and mind. So our relationships in this world are going to fail sometimes. But when they do work, and they are good, and there is real love there, it is still only a shadow of the love of Jesus. He knew we couldn’t do it perfectly, so He became human so He could die. And with that death, He took the death that we deserve for our sinfulness and then rose from death so that we who believe can have eternal life. We don’t have to die. The joy of knowing His love, helps me love others better. I pray that you will find a Christian friend and/or boyfriend who has that joy and can love you better, and that you’ll be able to return that love because of your desire to grow in your relationship with God.  

If I want to grow stronger with my faith, where do I start?

Bible study or a study of the Westminster Confession of Faith is a great place to start. Honestly, The Westminster Confession is a bit over my head, but it is broken down into what’s called the Westminster Shorter Catechism version that is easy to read and understand and memorize. Here’s a link to one version: https://reformed.org/documents/wsc/index.html?_top=https://reformed.org/documents/WSC.htmlPlus, it gives Scripture references to back everything up. (The numbers refer to the footnotes which list the Scripture references.) Growing in your knowledge of what you believe and why is a great place to start but also attending a Gospel-oriented church is important. Bible study is important because it’s the way God speaks to us. It is His Word. And prayer is important. Daily praise and thanksgiving, along with confession of sin reminds us that we are blessed beyond measure and don’t deserve it, which helps keep our focus on what’s important--eternal things and not worldly circumstances--as we are sanctified daily to become more like Christ.

My life feels like a mess. I'm behind in school, my relationship with God is not great, & no matter how many times I try to submit to God & change my way of living, it doesn't seem to work. I'm questioning whether I am really saved or if God is even real. What do I do when it feels like my life & faith are crumbling before my eyes?

If you died tonight are you certain that you would go to heaven? Why? If you answer this question with anything but, "Yes, because even though I don’t deserve it, Jesus paid the penalty of death for my sins", then you are not “saved.” If you know that the penalty for sin is death which equals complete separation from God and eternal hell and that you are a sinner in need of a Savior so that you can have eternal life, then live in the joy of your salvation! That’s often the problem when our lives are a mess. We are focused on our circumstances. We can’t see the forest for the trees. This world is not our home, so why do we cling so tightly to worldly things and link our happiness to them? Because of the sin nature that lives in us. Once we accept Christ, God begins transforming us, sanctifying us, working to diminish our sin nature and grow our relationship with Him. But if we are world focused, we are like the seeds scattered on the rocky ground that couldn’t take root. (Matthew 13) Jesus said that the Holy Spirit “becomes crowded out by the worries of this life and lure of wealth, so no fruit is produced.” So, how do you fix the mess? You have to change your perspective, your focus. Jesus died for you! He gave up heaven and took on a pitiful human body so that he could actually die for you. Pray that the Holy Spirit makes that fact real to you, so you can live in the joy of how much He loves you. Now, do you want to throw it back in his face by forgetting about Him and living in unrepentant sin? Take hold of the promise of eternal life. Fix your eyes on Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2) Look at the bigger picture, take a breath, and remember why you were created: to glorify Him in all you do. Are you glorifying Him by not doing your school work to the best of your ability? By ignoring His Word, and prayer, and your relationship with Him? It takes two to have a relationship. He’s there and He’s real and He loves you. Read Psalm 139. (I like the NIV version best.) If you can’t feel His presence in your life, it’s because you turned away, not Him.

I’m a new Christian (3 months) & dove in headfirst to my faith. I just got out of a toxic 3-year relationship with a non-believer. I’m scared I’ll be single forever when marriage & a family-centered in Christ is my heart’s deepest desire. How do I rest in God & put all my trust in Him?

The heavens are rejoicing over your salvation! Do not worry about being single forever. Worry about developing a closer relationship with Christ through Bible study and prayer. He wants your heart’s desire to be fellowship with Him and until that happens, it’s probable that things won’t fall into place. God’s timing is perfect and as you grow in Him, He will raise up a Godly man that has the same desire for a Christ-centered relationship. Trust by finding your joy in Him first and not in the circumstances and relationships of this world.

This is a really awkward question & will understand if it gets passed up. I am a 28-year-old healthy, vibrant, affectionate passionate person & lover of Jesus Christ. Sometimes I get urges to masturbate. I am celibate & definitely do not have a need for sexual relations with anyone other than my future husband. But I'm still a human & do get turned on. How is this seen in God's eyes?

You are not alone. Many women struggle with masturbation. The chemicals released in our brains when we have an orgasm are like opiates and they are addictive like opiates too. But God has called us to refrain from lust and to fill our thoughts with whatever is pure. (Phil. 4:8-9) We are sinful and can’t always do that, but we must strive to do it by being careful in the music we listen to, the books we read and the TV and movies we watch. This world shoves sex at us at every turn and keeping our thoughts pure is not easy, but it’s necessary for our relationship with God to remain close. In the bigger picture, we have to remember that our relationship with Him comes first. (We have answered similar questions before here and here.)